The Top 16 Worst-Selling Hardware Store Items (Part II)

16. The Gilbert Gottfried Vibrating Showerhead

15. The Whoopsie Brothers’ “WidowMaker” Nonlocking Stepladder

14. Black and Decker Nipple Sanders

13. Lee Press-On Nails

12. Approximo Knives

11. The Black and Decker Power Router with Home Circumcision Attachment

10. “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Asbestos!”

9. The Limb-Mangler 6500 Wood Chipper (“Bucket O’ Coagulant” and “Man, That’s Gotta Hurt! Tourniquet” sold separately)

8. Bob Villa’s “Lovemaking, Sensitive Man Style” Video

7. Emo Phillips Head Screwdriver

6. Swiss Army Demitasse Spoon

5. Nine Inch Tacks

4. Monkey Wenches

3. “Crackle” buttcrack spackle – “Keeps the weather out!”

2. Tommy Lee Foot-Long Tape Measure

1. The “Make Your Own Fertilizer!” Kit

Un septuagenario llega al hospital

Un septuagenario llega al hospital convulsion ndose en una camilla; los enfermeros, corriendo, le gritan al m dico de guardia:

” Doctor, doctor es urgente!”

El m dico, impresionado por la escena, pregunta:

” Qu le sucede al anciano?”

Uno de los enfermeros responde:

“Se tom todo un frasco de Viagra”.

El facultativo se alarma y ordena:

“Viene intoxicado, necesita un lavado estomacal urgente”.

“No, trae quemaduras de tercer grado”, asegura el enfermero.

” D nde?”, pregunta extra ado el galeno.

” En la mano!”

Speeding

The cop got out of his car and went over to the other vehicle.

The kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The kid replied, “Yeah, well… I got here as fast as I could!”

Getting a Tooth Pulled

A man & wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”
You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.

The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

Killed the Rooster

A guy who ran over a rooster on a country road late one night. He felt bad, so he went up to the nearby house, knocks on the door and says to the old farmer:
“Sir, I just ran over your Rooster, and i’d like to replace it.”

And of course, the old farmer shrugs and replies: “Be my guest. The hens are out back.”