Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.7. Pretend to type in the middle of the air. Complain about how slow the computer has been recently.

Letter of Recommendation and hidden meaning

Letter of Recommendation –

While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be
sent away as soon as possible.


Branch Manager


A second note following the report:

XXXXXX was present when I was writing the report mailed to you today.
Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7,… for my true assessment
of him.



Branch Manager

Toooooo Cute!

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.”

“How did you know that?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied.
“I think it’s printed on the bottom!”

Era un se or que se

Era un se or que se la hab a desconpuesto el carro a mitad de una carretera y enfrente de un pante n, y le hab an dicho que por esa carretera pasaba un coche manej ndose solo. El amigo temblendo de miedo y sin saber que hacer dijo: “Primer carro que pase ni raite la pido, as me subo.”

En eso alcanza ver un coche que ven a all lejos con las intermitentes prendidas y despacito y en cuanto pasa por all se sube y ya arriba el amigo temblando de miedo llevaba los ojos cerrados para no ver nada. Ya casi llegando a un pueblo voltea acia el lado del chofer y no hab a nadie! y se baja como alma que lleva el diablo, corre y corre.

Llega a una cantina y le dice al cantinero entre sollozos lo ocurrido… cuando de repente se aparecen tres amigos asoleados y sudando, y el cantinero les pregunta:

” Que a ustedes tambi n se les apareci el fantasma?”

Y les responden los amigos:

No!, venimos correteando a un jijo de su madre que se nos subi al carro que ven amos empujando!”


there was a kid playing with some acid when a revren said “dont play with acid play with holy water” the kid said “whats the difference?” “well i put this holy water on a preagnent woman she passed two babies” “so i put this acid on my dogs ballox it passed a ferrarie!”

Flying without a parachute

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he’s falling,
he realizes his chute is broken. He doesn’t know anything about parachutes, but
as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes
off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is
ripping past his face, he’s dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man
goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and
yells, “Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!”

The guy flying up looks down and yells, “No, do you know anything about gas

Rules Men Wish Women Knew

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are.
Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, Put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect
an answer you do not want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks.

8. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never
going to think of it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine. Really.

11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.

13. Crying is blackmail.

14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult.
We are bound to miss sometimes.

18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you
think we’d be any good at choosing which pair,
out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.

20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That
is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your oil.

24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

26. No, it does not matter which quiz.

27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls,
don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.

31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us
how you want it done-not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose
their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses.
We like staring at boobs.

37. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out.

38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach is a fruit, not a color.

39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

40. If it itches, it will be scratched.

41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why
MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

43. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not
proof of how little we care about you.

44. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,”
we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly
fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry;
the fantasy includes you AND her, together.