The Cowboy Code

THE COWBOY CODE

1. A cowboy removes his hat when entering the presence of a lady, although he may leave it on if she works in a saloon.

2. A cowboy says EXCUSE ME, MA’AM, when leaving a lady’s presence.

3. A cowboy says PARDON ME, MA’AM, when bumping into a lady, or treading on her feet.

4. A cowboy never sits, while a lady is standing, unless he feels particularly tired, or his feet hurt.

5. A cowboy allows a lady to go through a doorway, first, especially if he thinks one of his enemies may try to shoot him in a cowardly ambush. She would provide good cover.

6 . A cowboy does not spit on the floor, but if he does, he will point it out to the ladies so they will not drag their skirts through it.

7. A cowboy never tracks horse poop into a lady’s house. He should leave his boots outside the door, unless his feet stink as bad as the horse poop, in which case, he should just go someplace else. Maybe the saloon, where the stench of horse poop is no worse than the stench of cow poop.

8. A cowboy does not pick his nose at the table, unless it will help him breath better or eliminate a whistle that otherwise might become annoying to the ladies.

9. A cowboy does not scratch his groin, his armpits, or suck on the ends of his mustache, when a lady is near.

10. A cowboy does not swear or make reference to bodily functions, in the presence of a lady.

11. A cowboy must not sneeze at the table. If a strong need arises that cannot be resisted, he will turn his head away from the lady, so she won’t be sprayed and perhaps be struck by a stray booger.

12. A cowboy does not noisily slurp his coffee in the presence of a lady. Instead, he should hold the saucer steady with both hands, tip it toward his mouth, and slurp silently.

13. A cowboy does not fart in the presence of a lady…not even silently. If he does, it might stink, and she may smell it and possibly think that he is not actually a gentleman.

14. A cowboy will grasp a lady’s elbow to help her onto a horse or into a carriage. He should never, ever push on her derriere to give her a boost, because she might kick his teeth out, unless she works in the saloon.

What is it?

What is greater than god, more evil than the devil, poor people have it,
rich people want it, and if you eat it you will die?

Nothing. Nothing’s greater than god, nothing’s worse than the devil, poor
people have nothing, the rich people want nothing more than he already
has, if you eat nothing you die.

Coming home late

Dave’s friends came up to him after work one day and asked him to go out for a beer with them. Dave replied “No, I can’t. My wife gets really pissed if I come home late.” Dave’s friend said “When you get home, just go slide beneath the sheets, pull her panties down and give her oral sex.”So Dave goes out with his friends and has a great time. When he comes home hours later, he goes into his room and slides beneath the sheets. He pulls down her panties and begins to give her oral sex. She starts to moan and groan. After awhile, Dave tells her that he has to go take a leak and for her to wait there. When Dave gets to the bathroom he’s stunned to see his wife sitting on the john. “How did you get here?” he asked. “Shhhh,” she replied. “My Mom is sleeping.”Submitted By: Julia

Fun to do during an exam

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s left nostril.

Things Will Rogers Never Said

(but probably wishes he had)

  • Every teen-ager should get a high school education — even if they already know everything
  • Somethings that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10 just to repair
  • A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can’t spell
  • The outcome of the income depends on the outgo for the upkeep
  • Here’s a new invention — a solar-powered clothes dryer. It’s called a clothes line
  • Leaders go down in history — some farther down than others
  • Any man who laughs at women’s clothes has never paid the bill for them
  • Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired
  • For every judge operating in an official capacity, there are 100 who are self-appointed
  • It is when we forget ourselves that we do things that are most likely to be remembered
  • The more you know, the more you know you ought to know
  • The argument you just won with your spouse isn’t over yet
  • The law of gravitation is the only law that everybody observes

Hair Cuts

Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me
the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair
cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much
stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable, and
you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look
so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I
was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck!
Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for
a shoulder line.
Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to
have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I
mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had
your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much
easier………

Men’s version:

Man1: Haircut?
Man2: Yeah.