A Man with an Ostrich and a Cat

A bloke in Australia walks up to the bar with a big ostrich
behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool
beside him. The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some
curiosity, and says, “What’ll it be?” The man says, “I’ll have a
pint”, and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a
pint as well.” says the ostrich. Bloke looks at the cat, and
says, “I suppose you want a drink, too.” The cat replies, “I’ll
have a half, but I ain’t payin’!” So the barman pulls two and a
half pints, and says, “That’ll be three pounds forty, please.”
The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and, to the
barman’s surprise, pulls out exactly the three-forty in change.

A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the
exact amount out of the same pocket. The next day, the man, the
ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar. “I’ll have a pint,”
says the man. “Same for me,” says the ostrich. The cat orders up
a half and says, “But I ain’t payin’!” Repeat of yesterday. The
bloke pays each time with the exact amount from his pocket.

This becomes almost a regular routine until, late one evening,
the trio enter again. “The same?” asks the barman. “Well,” says
the man, “it’s close to last orders. I’ll have a large scotch.”
He turns to the ostrich enquiringly. The bird says, “I’ll have a
large scotch as well.” The cat says, “I’ll have a small
scotch…but I ain’t payin’!” The barman rings up the drinks and
turns, with a sly grin, “That’ll be seven pounds twenty,
please.” To his amazement, the man pulls the exact seven and
twenty out of his pocket.

As the trio are finishing their drinks, the barman can’t contain
his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir, but before you leave
there’s something I must know…how do you manage to always come
up with the exact change out of your pocket…every time?”
“Well”, says the man, “it’s a long story. But basically, several
years ago I took care of an old lady well into her nineties, and
when she died, she left me her old house. Nothing special, but
as I was cleaning out the attic, I found an old lamp, and when I
rubbed it, this genie appeared and offered me two wishes.”
“That’s fantastic,” says the barkeep, “What did you wish for?”

“If I ever need to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my
pocket and the right money will always be there.” “That’s
brilliant,” says the barman, “most people would wish for a
million pounds or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you
want for as long as you live.” “That’s right, whether its a
quart of milk or even a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always
there. The best thing I ever did!”

As he turns to go, the barman calls him back and says, “One last
thing, sir… err, your friends there… we don’t get many cats
or ostriches drinkin’ in here…?” The man looks glum. “Yes, I
know. That’s probably the worst thing I ever did, but I’m stuck
with ’em. You see, for my second wish from the genie, I asked
for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy.”