Category Archives: Funny Jokes

Free funny text jokes

The Construction Workers

An Irishman, a Mexican-American, and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch, and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican-American opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blond guy opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage, and jumps to his death. The Mexican-American opens his lunch, sees a burrito, and he jumps too. The blonde guy opens his lunch, sees the bologna, and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican-American’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas or even a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turns and stares at the blond’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she says. “He makes his own lunch.”

The Braggart Gets His!

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could
outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of
one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said.
“I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over
to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said…
“All right. Get in.”!

Un d a, la boa estaba

Un d a, la boa estaba que se mor a de hambre y fue a pedir trabajo a un burdel. La leona, que era la madrota, se burla de la boa diciendo que estaba muy maltratada en comparaci n con sus putitas como la loba, la pantera, la avestruz, etc. Fue tanto el rogar de la boa que la leona le dio trabajo, y le dijo que se enredara en un rbol para ver si ca a alg n desesperado.

Pasada la media noche, lleg el conejo dici ndole a la leona que quer a echar pata. La leona le aclar que todas estaban ocupadas pero que ten a una nueva, que la probara y que luego le dijera que tal hab a estado.

El conejo se fue corriendo a buscar a la boa. Cuando la boa lo ve venir, de un solo bocado se lo traga, ya que estaba fam lica. Entonces, se queda pensando un rato y decide escupirlo ya que si se lo tragaba, la leona la iba a matar.

Sale el conejo todo lleno de saliva dando vueltas. Cuando logra levantarse, todav a sacado de onda, exclama:

” Si as estuvo la mamada, c mo estar la cogida!”

Gas Trouble

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they didn’t smell and are silent”.

The doctor says “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”

The next week the lady goes back, “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, they stink terribly.”

“Good”, the doctor said. “Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing”.

Fly In My Guinness

    An Irishman, an Englishman and aScotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender handsthem over, three flies buzz down and land in each of the pints. The Englishman looksdisgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.  The Scotsman picks outthe fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.  The Irishman reaches into the glass,pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, “Spit it out, yabastard! Spit it out!”

Good Lawyers?

What is the difference between a good Lawyer and a great Lawyer?

Answer: A good Lawyer knows the law and a great Lawyer knows the Judge!!!

Country Newlyweds

A young farmer couple got married, and they just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. Just before leaving the house for the fields at dawn, they made love, and when the husband returned home at evening they had another go – both before and after supper, and then again a few more times during the night.
The problems only happened during the day. The fields were far away from the house and the young man lost half an hour each time traveling home and back again at noon. Finally he decided to consult a friend, the town’s doctor, about what to do.

“Easiest thing in the world, Homer” said the doctor. “You take your rifle out with you every day don’t you? Well, when you feel like you’re in the mood for some lovin’, just fire a shot into the air as a signal to your wife, for her to come out to you. That way you won’t lose any workin’ time.”

Homer tried his friend’s solution and it seemed to work pretty well for a while. One day though, the doctor stopped by the house to pay a visit and he noticed Homer sitting alone inside looking very somber.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Didn’t my idea work? Where’s your wife?”

“Oh, it worked” says Homer. “Whenever I got in the mood I fired off a shot like you said, and Beckie’d come runnin’. Then we’d find a secluded place and make love. Then Beckie’d go back home.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Well I think I overdid it, Doc. I ain’t seen hide nor hair of Beckie since hunting season got started…”