Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to
A: Because when his term is through, he won’t be going to school.
How did Bill Clinton get the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the National
Security Council to agree to bomb the Sudan and Afgahnistan?
He called them all together, stood in front of them and said, “If you do
not agree with me, just open your mouth.”
Bill Clinton on Monica Lewinsky’s deposition: “I didn’t tell her to lie in her
deposition, I said to lie in that position.”
Ben & Jerry’s New Presidential Flavors
Double Nut Joy
Subpoenas ‘n’ Cream
Chocolate Chip Doughboy
Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl Vanilla
Pantsachio Subpoena Colada
Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy
Horny Bubba Crunch
Subpoena Butter Cup
Oval Office Surprise
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Fresh off of the Associated Press Wire…
AP – Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President
Clinton’s firm denial:
“I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth,
and I can’t stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this
ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.
“This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at
my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will
meet this challenge the only way I know how: head on.
“I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will
ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn’t a finisher, that she quit before
the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am
wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.
Q: Did you hear that Dr. Kevorkian has renamed his death machine
A: Unlike a respirator it doesn’t let the patient inhale.
President Clinton dies and descends into hell. As a professional courtesy to a
fellow, world class liar Satan greets the President personally.
‘Mr. President’ he says ‘we don’t normally do this. But I’m going to give you
three choices of your eternal punishment’.
‘Great’ says Bill. ‘But once you’ve picked there is no going back. It will be
your fate for the remainder of time. This time I’m not lying’. First they come
to a dark, burning pit. Adolf Hitler is naked and being speared by and an army
of demons. He’s bleeding and screaming madly. Bill cringes and says he could
never handle the pain. Next they come to a hot, burning cave. Saddam Hussein is
naked with his limbs stretched and broken. Devils are burning his flesh with hot
coals. Once again Bill retreats and refuses the option. Finally they come to a
pleasant, cool room. Ken Starr is naked on a table and Monica Lewinksy is giving
him what she loves to give best. Bill smiles and says ‘now that’s more like it’.
Satan agrees and says ‘Very well. Ms. Lewinksky, your replacement has arrived.’
A couple of Bill Clinton buddies were talking about what a sweet smile Monica
Bill replied, “Yes. She has the whitest teeth that I have ever come across.”
Why does Clinton swim naked in the white house pool?
He is trolling for interns.
Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike?
A: Both aren’t as successful when they’re not on grass…