Category Archives: bill clinton

Two of Bill’s sperm

Two of Bill’s sperm were racing toward the cervix and the first one said, “How
far do you think it is to the fallopian tubes?”
The other one said, “It can’t be too far. I think we just passed the tonsils.”

Hillary & Newt

In an unlikely pairing, Hillary Clinton made an appearance this week with Newt Gingrich to push a health care plan.

The press is making a big deal out this thing with Newt but, hey, if anyone knows how to appear in public with a man she can’t stand, it’s Hillary.”
-Jay Leno

Advice for Clinton

Clinton, distraught and contemplating his latest scandal was walking through Washington looking for any kind of guidance. He walks up to the Washington Monument, looks up and says, ‘George, you were always wise, what should I do?’ Low and behold, a voice comes down from above and says, ‘ABOLISH THE I.R.S. AND START OVER.’ Clinton, amazed that he is talking to the past President thinks he’ll try it again. He walks over to the Jefferson Memorial and utters the same request. ‘Thomas, you never had these kind of problems, what can I do to rally people behind me?’ Again a voice from above answers, ‘WELFARE, ITS NOT WORKING, ABOLISH IT, START OVER.’ After hearing this Clinton is so excited he is planning to go to all the historic sites for guidance. Next he goes to the Lincoln Memorial. ‘Abe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me what should I do?’After a substantial pause Abe responds, ‘TAKE THE DAY OFF GO TO THE THEATER.’

Monica’s Wish

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on
the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

“Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!” she exclaimed.

“No,” said the genie, “You have been very bad this year, and because of this,
I can only give you one wish.”

“Let’s see,” says Monica, “I don’t need fame, because I have plenty of that
due to all of the media coverage. And I don’t need money, because after I write
my book, and do all my interviews, I’ll have all the money I could ever want. I
would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that’s it, for my one
wish I would like my love handles removed.”

“Poof!”

And just like that… her ears were gone.

Spending His Last Days

How Bill Clinton is spending his last days in office…
Bitch Slapping Al Gore every time he blabs about restoring “dignity” and
“integrity .
Showing George W. Bush around the White House and introducing him to his new
employees.
Getting drunk and then bragging how he convinced America that oral sex didn’t
count as sex.
Planting hidden web cams throughout White House for his new 24-hour reality
website.
Apartment hunting in NYC just in case Hillary isn’t joking about “getting her
groove back .
Surfing EBAY in attempt to get Lewinsky’s stained dress back.
Helping Hillary on her campaign so he’ll get the new house all to himself and
make up for all those lost bong hits.
At George W. Bush’s request: cleaning the stains under his desk.

Monica buys condoms

Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, “I need to buy condoms.”

The pharmacist looked up and asked, “Shall I put it on your bill?”

“No, thanks,” Monica responded. “I prefer to put them on him myself.”