Category Archives: blondes

Alligator shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Blonde Paints a Porch

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself
out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can
paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told
her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the
garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation
and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes
all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered,
“and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed,
the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the
blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

The burnt blonde!

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt.
‘Sit down and tell me how it happened,’ said the doctor.

‘Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!’

‘Okay, I see…But that’s one ear – what about the other?’

‘They called again!!’

Get weighed

edJoe took his blonde blind date to a seaside carnival.

‘What would you like to do first, Kim?’ asked Joe.

‘I want to get weighed,’ she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser, who guessed 70 kg. Kim got on the scale and it read 67 kg and she won a prize. .

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over,
Joe again asked Kim what she wanted to do next.

‘I want to get weighed,’ she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went and because she’d been there before the man guessed Kim’s correct weight and Joe lost his dollar.

Kim and Joe walked around the carnival and again he asked,
‘Where to next?’

Kim responded: ‘I want to get weighed,’ but by this time Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her flatmate, Laura, asked Kim about her blind date, ‘How’d it go?’ she asked.

Kim said, ‘Oh, Waura, it was wousy.’

The blonde and the news

One night at a bar, there was a Blonde and a Brunette sipping a beer and watching the news. As they kept watching they saw a older woman standing on the side of a mountain, so the brunette thinks in her head (blondes are stupid, i can trick her) so the brunette looks at the blonde and says……”.I bet you 20 dollars that woman jumps off that mountain”. So the blonde thinks for a second and then agrees on the bet. Sure enough about 1 minute later the woman dives off the mountian. As the blonde was pulling her 20 dollars out of her pocket the brunette looks at her and says…i am not going to do that to you, i watched the news eirler this morning and i saw the woman jump, then the blonde replies well i wathced it earlier to but hell i didnt know the stupid woman was going to jump again!!!!

Chad

Fire bird

A guy calls up a pianter (a blonde) and askes how much would it be for him to get his porch painted green. The blonde answers 50 bucks. He says thats reasonable 4 a rape a round porch and tells her to come on over. She comes over and he tells her to start while he goes to work when the guy gets home he sees the blonde puting the finishing touch on his FIRE BIRD he screams ” what did u do to my fire bird” she answers wow all thiss time i thought it was a porche

Blonde Joke plus…

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”

The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry.”

Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters:
“Will it take ME?”

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10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:

10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
9) Is lighter fluid flammable?
What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
7) Are knives sharp?
6) Can sharks hurt a human?
5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
3) Can I go through a brick wall?
2) Can dogs talk?
1) Are blondes really dumb?

Blonde quickies 11

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three…one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W’s.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: What did the blonde’s mum say to her before the blonde’s date.
A: If you’re not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What’s the Blonde’s cheer?
A: ” I’m blonde, I’m blonde, I’m B-L-O-N….ah, oh well.. I’m blonde, I’m blonde, yea yea yea…”

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it “good for up to 20 pounds.”

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: “Nice tits!”