Category Archives: body & health

the magic mirror

angie was looking into her mirror naked after sex and she said
aloud
“i wish my boobs were the same size as pam andersons” then
suddnly her boobs grew
“wow” she shouted and ran to show her boyfriend.
he came running up to the mirror and said “i wish my dick
touched the ground” and the next thing he new his legs fell
off!!!!

hey-hey plz rate my joke

The boy on a nude beach.

Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The
father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in
the water. He comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw
ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”

The mom says “the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes
back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
“Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”

Mom says, “the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes
back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
“Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and
the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”

Call Me Lucky

A man named Bob was walking down the street when he saw his old
friend Craig. Craig says, “Hello Bob. But Bob tells him not to
call him Bob but to call him Lucky. “Why should i call u lucky?”
says Bob.”
“Well i was walking down the street the other day and had just
stopped on the side of the road. Then the light went green and i
began to cross the road. Seconds later, a safe fell from the
building directly under where the man was standing.

“Wow thats pretty lucky.” says Craig. So they say goodbye and
walk away. Craig sees bob again next week and says “Hi Lucky.
Bob tells him not to call him Lucky but to call him Lucky Lucky.
Craig asks him why and Bob says, “I was crossing the road when i
tripped over and hurt my ankle. I was about to get up when i saw
a car speeding down the street. i was trying to get up but it
was getting closer and closer. All of a sudden the car crashed
into another car that was coming from side on.

“Wow thats pretty lucky” says Craig and they say goodbye and
leave. Next week Bob is walking down the street and he sees
Craig again. Craig says, “Hello Lucky Lucky.” Bob says “don’t
call me Lucky Lucky. Call me lucky lucky lucky.”

Bob tells him that just the other day he took his girlfriend out
to dinner and they were both incredibley horny so they went to a
hotel and were getting it on when the shandalier fell and
smashed his girlfriends cunt.

Craig says,”Whats so Lucky about that?”

Then Bob answers, well if it happened 10 seconds earlier it
would have cut my head off!”

Little Johnny and his balloons

Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.

Mommy, Mommy, what are those? He says pointing to her breasts.

Well, son, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!

What do you mean? Says his mother.

Well, she’s out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Daddy is trying to blow them up for her and she keeps yelling, God, I’m coming! God, I’m coming!

10 things not to say during sex

10)I should have used a condom…
9)Golly, do you need help!
8)Boy, do I want to speak to your pimp!
7)That thing ain’t bigger than your sister’s or mom’s!
6)That was not worth every cent!
5)Is there a money back guarantee?
4)Do you have a microscope on you?
3)There are medical solutions for that.
2)Wow! You must centimeter Sam!
1)Can I supersize that fry?

GAS STATION

There once was a man who was traveling to FLORDIA AND HE STOPED AT A GAS SATATION TO USE THE BATHROOM. SO HE WENT TO USE THE BATHROOM AND HE HAD TO DUKIE AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE RELAIZED THAT THERE WAS NO TISSUE AND THEN HE READ THIS SIGN SAYING: THERE IS NO TISSUE HERE SO TAKE YOUR TWO FINGERS AND WIPE YOUR BUTT WITH THEM AND STICK THEM THROUGH THIS HOLE AND YOUR FINGERS WILL BE LICKED BY HUMAN HANDS.SO THE MAN SAY I AM NOT DOING THAT SO HE SAT THERE FOR 2 HOURS AND UNTIL HE FINALLY DID. AND BEHIND THE WALL WAS A MAN WITH TWO BRICKS AND THE MAN SMASHED HIS FINGERS WITH THE TWO BRICKS AND THEN THE MAN JUMPED AND PUT HIS FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH AND STARTED SCREAMING.

Nuts!

One day two seasoned hunters took a rookie to go on a hunting
trip. After they got to the hunting site, the two pros took the
rookie to a tree and told him, “Stay here. Don’t move, and no
matter what, don’t make any sound. Wait for the deer to get
close enough so you can shoot the deer. But under no
circumstances should you make a sound!” With that, they left to
find their own spots to stake out.

Five minutes later they heard an ear piercing scream coming from
where the rookie was. The pros rush over and asked, “What
happened?! We told you NOT to make any sound!” He replied, “I
know. I tried not to! I didn’t scream when the bear was in my
face. I didn’t scream when the snake wrapped around my legs. But
I can’t help it when the two chimpmunks went up my legs under my
pants and asked each other, ‘Should we eat them now or bring
them home for latar?'”