Category Archives: body & health

Don’t Mess With The I.R.S!

To: All Male U.S. Citizens From: I.R.S. Service Center Re: Notice of increase in tax payments The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1, 1998 your penis will be taxed according to size.

——- The categories are as follows: ——- 10 – 12 inches…….Luxury Tax $
30.00 8 –
10……………Pole Tax $
25.00 5 –
8…………….Privilege Tax $
15.00 4 –
5…………….Nuisance Tax $
3.00

Males exceeding 12″ must file a capital gains return. NOTE: Anyone under 4″ is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!                                                                  Sincerely, Pecker Checker I.R.S

A black and a white guy in heaven.

A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told them that they had to do something before they could go anywhere.

He told the white guy to pull down his pants, so he did and Gabriel grabbed his dick and squeezed. It instantly melted. The white screamed in pain, and was sent downstairs.

Gabriel told the black guy to do the same, and he grabbed his dick and squeezed but nothing happened.

When Gabriel asked him why it didn’t affect him, he said, “This is the type of chocolate that melts in your mouth and not in your hands”.

Rectum Wins

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said “I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The eyes said “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The hands said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The stomach said “I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The legs said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to move anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

Then the rectum said “I think I should be in charge.”

All the rest of the parts said “YOU?!? You don’t do anything! You’re not important! You can’t be in charge.”

So the rectum closed up.

After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.

The moral of the story?

You don’t have to be the most important to be in charge, just be an asshole!

20 Types of Blokes at the Urinal

1) Excitable — Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

2) Sociable — Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

3) Cross-eyed — Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

4) Timid — Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

5) Indifferent — All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

6) Clever — No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.

7) Worried — Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

8) Frivolous — Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.

9) Absent-Minded — Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

10) Childish — Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

11) Sneaky — Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.

12) Patient — Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.

13) Desperate — Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

14) Tough — Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.

15) Efficient — Waits until he has to crap and does both.

16) Fat — Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.

17) Little — Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

18) Drunk — Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.

19) Disgruntled — Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

20) Conceited — Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.

the magic mirror

angie was looking into her mirror naked after sex and she said
aloud
“i wish my boobs were the same size as pam andersons” then
suddnly her boobs grew
“wow” she shouted and ran to show her boyfriend.
he came running up to the mirror and said “i wish my dick
touched the ground” and the next thing he new his legs fell
off!!!!

hey-hey plz rate my joke

The boy on a nude beach.

Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The
father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in
the water. He comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw
ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”

The mom says “the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes
back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
“Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”

Mom says, “the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes
back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
“Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and
the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”