Category Archives: body & health

10 things not to say during sex

10)I should have used a condom…
9)Golly, do you need help!
8)Boy, do I want to speak to your pimp!
7)That thing ain’t bigger than your sister’s or mom’s!
6)That was not worth every cent!
5)Is there a money back guarantee?
4)Do you have a microscope on you?
3)There are medical solutions for that.
2)Wow! You must centimeter Sam!
1)Can I supersize that fry?

GAS STATION

There once was a man who was traveling to FLORDIA AND HE STOPED AT A GAS SATATION TO USE THE BATHROOM. SO HE WENT TO USE THE BATHROOM AND HE HAD TO DUKIE AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE RELAIZED THAT THERE WAS NO TISSUE AND THEN HE READ THIS SIGN SAYING: THERE IS NO TISSUE HERE SO TAKE YOUR TWO FINGERS AND WIPE YOUR BUTT WITH THEM AND STICK THEM THROUGH THIS HOLE AND YOUR FINGERS WILL BE LICKED BY HUMAN HANDS.SO THE MAN SAY I AM NOT DOING THAT SO HE SAT THERE FOR 2 HOURS AND UNTIL HE FINALLY DID. AND BEHIND THE WALL WAS A MAN WITH TWO BRICKS AND THE MAN SMASHED HIS FINGERS WITH THE TWO BRICKS AND THEN THE MAN JUMPED AND PUT HIS FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH AND STARTED SCREAMING.

Nuts!

One day two seasoned hunters took a rookie to go on a hunting
trip. After they got to the hunting site, the two pros took the
rookie to a tree and told him, “Stay here. Don’t move, and no
matter what, don’t make any sound. Wait for the deer to get
close enough so you can shoot the deer. But under no
circumstances should you make a sound!” With that, they left to
find their own spots to stake out.

Five minutes later they heard an ear piercing scream coming from
where the rookie was. The pros rush over and asked, “What
happened?! We told you NOT to make any sound!” He replied, “I
know. I tried not to! I didn’t scream when the bear was in my
face. I didn’t scream when the snake wrapped around my legs. But
I can’t help it when the two chimpmunks went up my legs under my
pants and asked each other, ‘Should we eat them now or bring
them home for latar?'”

Baby with No Ears

Little Johnny’s next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately the
baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the
hospital, the new parents invited Little Johnny’s family over to
see the new baby.

Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid their son would have a
wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny’s dad had a
long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He
said, “Now son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want
you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his
ears, or I’m really going to spank your butt when we get back
home.” “I promise not to mention his ears at all,” said Little
Johnny.

At the neighbors home Little Johnny leaned over the crib and
touched the baby’s hand. He looked at it’s mother and said, “Oh
what a beautiful little baby!” The mother, who had braced
herself for Johnny’s comment, was pleasantly surprised and said,
“Thank you very much Little Johnny.”

He then said, “This baby has perfect little hands, and perfect
little feet. Why just look at his pretty little eyes…Did the
doctor say he can see good?” The mother said a bit bewildered,
“Why yes…the doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?”
Little Johnny said, “Well, it’s a damn good thing, ’cause he
sure as hell can’t wear glasses!!

Dead Pussy

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.

As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common.”