Category Archives: bush

Puzzler in Chief

Cheney gets a call from his “boss”, W.

“I’ve got a problem,” says W.

“What’s the matter?” asks Cheney.

“Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle,
but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”

“What’s it a picture of?” asks Cheney.

“A big rooster,” replies W.

“All right,” sighs Cheney, “I’ll come over and have a look.”

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the
jigsaw on his desk.

Person’s stuff

“If a person doesn’t have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I
suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all.” George W. Bush, May 22,

George Gets Advice

One night, George W. Bush was awakened by the ghost of George Washington.

Bush asked, “George, now that I have been elected President, what is the best
thing I can do for the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.

The next night, Bush was awakened by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

“Tom, now that I am elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the
country?” asked Bush.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” Jefferson advised.

The next night, Bush saw another figure moving in the shadows. This time it
was the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

“Abe, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do
for the country?” asked Bush.

“Go to the theatre!” Abe replied.

Bush Research

A researcher called G. W. Bush house in Austin.

G. W was sleeping in late and was awaken by the call.

He was half-asleep when he answered the phone.

Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I’m conducting a survey

GW Bush: Questions? No political questions.

Reseacher: Political, sir?

GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling?

Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask —

GW Bush: What is this about?

Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats PEPSI.

GW BUSH: I’ve never tried Pepsi. Is that a new thing?

I m next

One day a cop was f****** his girlfriend in a car, bush was jogging there and
sow the cop f******…bush ask. hay…what r u dooing.cop said i m f****** my
girl friend.ok i m next replied bush….
the cop jumped and said oh great i never f***** a president before.

Equivocal message to the world

“Ann and I will carry out this equivocal message to the world: Markets must be
open.” George W. Bush, at the swearing-in ceremony for Secretary of Agriculture
Ann Veneman, March 2, 2001

Bush says stupid things:

‘Are you with us, or are you with the puffins?’ December 23, 2002

“The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for

“So what state is Wales in?”

“The important question is, How many hands have I shacked?”
“This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It’s what you do when
you run for president. You gotta preserve.” Speaking during “Perseverance Month”
at Fairgrounds Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles
Times, Jan. 28, 2000.
“The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.”
“Today we are in London, England. Tomorrow we are off to Genoa, Salami.”

“Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because
it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.”

“Anyway, I’m so thankful, and so gracious – I’m gracious that my brother Jeb
is concerned about the hemisphere as well.” – June 4, 2001

“They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it’s some
kind of federal program.”

“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”

“I do know I’m ready for the job. And, if not, that’s just the way it goes.”

“I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It’s pretty close to California.
In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.”

“Laura and I really don’t realize how bright our children is sometimes”

“This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot.”

“I’ve coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically.”

“I’m running for President because I’m running for President”

“We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like
to be liked yourself.” – At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the
Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000
“I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for
predecessors as well.” – Jan. 29, 2001.
“And there’s no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will
fail.” – to labor department employees, Oct. 4, 2001.

George W Bush Discount

Looking for savings this holiday season? When you’re out shopping, take
advantage of the George W. Bush discount. You will need unmitigated gall and
several accomplices. Here’s how it works.

Load up with all sorts of items that you want and take them to the checkout.
When the clerk gets to an item that will not scan on the first attempt say,
petulantly, “My brother says that all these items are mine.” The clerk will
insist on rescanning the item. Look bored and incredulous that anybody could be
so incompetent as the clerk tries unsuccessfully to scan the item. Turn to the
people in line behind you and say, “Can you believe this is taking so long?”

At this point, the clerk will attempt to enter the bar code information by
hand. Insist loudly that the item is yours and that since it didn’t scan after
two attempts, it must be free. Get so worked up that your face starts to break
out. The clerk will still attempt to enter the bar code. At this point, bring
forward your first accomplice who will introduce herself as the Secretary of Bar
Code Scanning and say to the clerk, “I’ll give you two seconds to enter that bar
code. Ready… Set… Times up!”

The clerk will probably call for the manager, and the two of them will insist
on manually entering the bar code into the cash register. Have dozens of your
accomplices run to the media talking about possible mistakes and mischief that
could arise from manually entering the bar code. Raise questions such as, “How
can I make sure the price is being entered fairly when the clerk works for the
owner?” Say, “These items have been scanned and rescanned. They just want to
keep entering bar codes until they get the total they want.”

At this point, the owner might try to take you to court to get some more time
to manually enter the bar code. He’s really playing right into your hands.

While he’s getting a time extension from the court, call the office of
Congressman Tom DELAY and ask him to send down a couple of henchmen to lead a
crowd of angry demonstrators into the store to shout and bang on the doors.

Simultaneously, file an appeal with the Supreme Court asking the highest court
in the land to bring a halt to all manual entry of bar codes.

In the midst of this confusion, have your first accomplice declare that all
the items are legally yours and that if the owner doesn’t like it, he can take
you to court. The owner will now have to drive to the state capital to file a
lawsuit in which he will ask the judge to manually enter the bar code of the
item that would not scan. Invite some celebrities over for a photo op and
announce that you’ll share the items with them once the items are found to be
rightfully yours.

Meanwhile in court, the owner will ask the judge to transfer the item from the
checkout line to the courtroom. Have your lawyer tell the judge that that is
simply not enough, that the judge needs to move the entire inventory from the
store lock, stock and barrel to his courtroom.

When the owner contemplates that this will tie up all his merchandise till
well after the holidays, he will surely give up. But just to be safe, have the
legislature pass a law giving the entire store to you.

Some people will tell you that you won’t enjoy the goodies you’ve thus
obtained because they are not really yours.