Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged. She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower. You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.”I love cats…they taste just like chicken””Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.””Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician””I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….””Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!””I souport publik edekasion””We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.””Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?””Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.”
“Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.””I’m out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?” “Happiness is a belt-fed weapon””3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.””2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.””I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. “”MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!!”BAD COP! – NO DONUT!!! Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply I’m just driving this way to get you mad.Keep honking, I’m reloading. Hang up and drive. Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do. Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
“Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it’s students!””According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.””Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.””How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?”Seen on a woman’s car: “Men call us birds, we pick up worms””Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.””Give me ambiguity or give me something else.””Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?””I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.”
It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Mediocrity thrives on standardization. Reality is the only obstacle to happiness. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse? I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
I love animals, they taste great.EARTH FIRST! We’ll stripmine the other planets later. “Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.” Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest! Give me ambiguity or give me something else. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
My karma ran over your dogma.I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!A fool and his money are a girl’s best friend.I’m not driving fast-just flying low.Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird! Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.”I is a college student.”If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
“Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.””It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.””If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.””I Brake For No Apparent Reason.””When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.””Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.””I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!””No Radio – Already Stolen””Few women admit their age, Few men act it! “”I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!”
Death is Nature’s way of saying ‘slow down’. Don’t force it, get a larger hammer. Earn cash in your spare time…blackmail friends. Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality. Going the speed of light is bad for your age. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Herblock’s Law: If it’s good, they will stop making it. History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. It works better if you plug it in.