Category Archives: crazy

Engineers and Lawyers

On a college field trip, four Engineering and four Pre-Law students were travelling on the same train. The law students each had a ticket, but the Engineers had but one ticket amongst them. One of the Engineers shouted “conductor’s coming!”, and the four Engineers crowded into one of the bathrooms. The conductor comes by and knocks on the bathroom door saying “Tickets, please”. The Engineers slip their one and only ticket under the door. The conductor punches it an moves on to the next car.

On the return trip, the four Lawyers, impressed by the Engineers’ trick, purchase only one ticket. The Engineers, however have no tickets at all!. Suddenly, one of the Engineers shouts “Conductor’s coming”. All four Engineers head for the bathroom, and all four lawyers crowd into the other one. Then, one of the Engineers slips out of his bathroom and knocks on the other bathroom door saying “Tickets, please”. The lawyers then slip their only ticket under the door, and the Engineer then picks up the ticket and joins his friends, waiting for the real conductor.

A Message From Your Computer

You look really sexy in that…thing you’ve got on tonight. I

like the way your eyes are always open when you read your

E-Mail. When you type, it reminds me of a concert pianist

tinkling on her keys.

You really know how to push the right buttons to turn me on.

If I wasn’t a computer, I’d show you what “Hard Drive” really

means!

But Alas, I’m only a bundle of circuits and wires, obeying

your every command. Yes mistress! I’ll balance your cheque-

book. Yes mistress! I’ll run your silly little program.

Don’t get me wrong…I like the Master/Slave thing, but

maybe just once in a while you could show some

compassion? Maybe instead of just ramming the diskette in,

you could slide it in slowly, maybe even blow in the slot

first. And maybe instead of just using me and turning me off

when you’re through, we could talk for a while afterwards?

I know other computers have hurt you in the past. But I’m

different! I may be a little slow, but I’ve got a big mouse!

So come on baby, don’t fight it. You know you want it. I’ll

just turn off the lights and . . . and . . . what? Ok . . .well, will

you at least think about it?

I’m so embarrassed,

Your Computer.

a cow

This right here is one of the best jokes ever. No matter what all my friends say.

Q: What did the Cow who crossed the road say to the other cow who didn’t?

A: “Chicken!”

Potato will always help!

There was this really loser guy at collage one day. he was really unpopular so he got the guts to go ask a girl how could he make the girls like him!? SO, she told him to put a potato in his pants! so hes like OK~ if that will help! so the next day he is walking around an everyone is laughing at him and so he goes back up to the girl he asked and said y is everyone laughing at me?? she says well maybe next time u SHOULD PUT IT IN THE FRONT!

Two Drinking Buddies

One day two drinking buddies Jim and David were working on aircraft at JFK airport in NYC. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored. Jim spoke up Man I really need a drink! in response David replied, You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet fuel and get drunk. Really? said Jim That s what I heard man. Do you wanna try it? Said David Sure, hell I ll try anything once! Said Jim. SO with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. so they drank more and more and sure enough they got stoned drunk. The next morning Jim awoke feeling like a million bucks he jumped up wet to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air he hadn t felt this good in years. Wow!! He said. About that time his telephone rang. Hello? Jim Said Hello Jim? Came the reply This is David man. How are you feeling this morning? Jim said Man I feel great no hang over not sick man I feel like a million bucks. How about you? David replied Me too man, but I have one question for you. Jim said, Sure man what is it Have you farted yet man? Jim said Ummmmm No. Why? Man don t. I m in Phoenix!

Little Johny

One day little johnny was sitting in his house when the door knocked

he ran to open it with a bottle whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other

thae sales person at the door said is your parents home

little johnny said [what the @#$% you think}

Hunchback

HUNCHBACK’S WIFE: I’m getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Huchback goes to the doctor.

DOCTOR: I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops)

HUNCHBACK: I don’t like getting undressed.

DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you’ll have to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his vest on.)

HUNCHBACK: I don’t like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.

DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? ( Very reluctantly the hunchback removes his vest ( woollen undergarment in UK ))

DOCTOR: How long is it since you were at school?

HUNCHBACK: Over 30 years. Why?

DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder what happened to your backpack?