Category Archives: dirty jokes

Fishing Tips

A man has been fishing on the bank of a river for hours without a nibble. A newcomer sits down 25 feet away, baits up and casts out. Not two minutes later, he gets a huge strike and lands a trophy. Again and again he baits, casts out and immediately catches a huge fish. The luckless man is now watching the new guy to see his secret. He sees that the man removes a piece of bait from a jar, inspects it carefully and smells it before putting it on the hook. He walks over to him and asks about the bait.The man replies “This is very special bait indeed. I get it from a friend who is a mortician, he cuts the pussy lips off all the women that he works on. The fish really love ’em”.The luckless man asks “But why do you smell each one?””Well..”he replies, ” he’s a real joker, sometimes he throws an asshole in there”.

The afair

a doctor was hhaving an afair with his wife and gets the other woman pregnant.and tell her to send a postcard saying sapggetie on it if she has the baby.one day at work his wife calls and says honey you have a strang postcard saying sapggetie on it.he comes home and it says sapggetie sapggetie sapggetie sapggetie two with meatballs and two without

Untitled joke

How many quadriplegics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don’t know, but you’ve got to admit that it would probably be fun to watch…

The ventriloquist

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next show. He stopped at a farmhouse and approached the farmer who lived there. “Hello there, Mr. Farmer, I was just passing by and I was wondering if I might speak to your dog.”

The farmer replied, “Well, you know, dogs don’t talk.”

The ventriloquist said, “You’d be surprised what a dog might tell you. Can I speak with him?”

The farmer, eyeing the ventriloquist suspiciously, called his dog.

“Hi there, Mr. dog,” said the ventriloquist. “How does the farmer treat you?” To which the dog replied, “Oh, he’s great! He throws a stick for me, scratches my belly, and I just love him!!”

Needless to say, the farmer was dumfounded. Wanting to see if he could fool the farmer again, the ventriloquist asked if he could speak with the farmer’s horse.

“Well, you know, horses don’t talk.”

Again the ventriloquist said, “You’d be surprised what a horse might tell you.” So the farmer brought out his horse. “Say, Mr. Horse, how does the farmer treat you?” asked the ventriloquist. The horse then replied, “Oh, I think he’s great. He feeds me oats, he puts a blanket over me at night, and I just love him!”

Again the farmer was amazed. Wanting to try his luck a third time, the ventriloquist said, “Mr. Farmer, would you like to hear what the sheep has to say about you?”

“Well,” declared the farmer, “Sheep lie, ya’ know.”

Invisible man

Superman is flying through the skys of metropolis and he thinks to himself “im feeling kinda horny!”just as he thinks that he sees wonder woman sunbathing naked,he thinks BINGO!!”I can fuck her without her knowing!”So he flies down does the buisness and flies off,wonder woman sits up with a startled look on her face and she says “What was that?”then the invisible man says “I dont know but my arse is killing me!”

Golfers

A golfer asked his buddy, “Who is that I saw you playing golf with yesterday”?

“That is my new girlfriend, and she has been beating me in golf. It’s worth it though, because she gives me the best blowjobs I’ve ever had!”

“I’ve got bad news for you, that is not a girl that is a man.”

“Oh no, that rotten, no good S.O.B. has been using the ladies tees!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo