Category Archives: engineers

An emergency landing

According to “The Australian,” an airliner recently encountered severe
vibration in flight.

The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat
belt sign.

The vibration stopped immediately.

A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in
place inside.

Hold on to the root.

The Tao doesn’t take sides;
It gives birth to both wins and losses.
The Guru doesn’t take sides;
She welcomes both hackers and users.

The Tao is like a stack:
The data changes but not the structure.
The more you use it, the deeper it becomes;
The more you talk of it, the less you understand.

Hold on to the root.

Economics ruins life

Economics is ruining your life when…

– I tried to calculate my 3 year old son’s discount rate by seeing how many
sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to
one sweet before dinner

– I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could
be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles.

Accountant in Heaven

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is
amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I
wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a
remarkable man as yourself.”

The accountant is perplexed. “I’ve tried to lead a good life, but I am
overwhelmed by your welcome,” he tells St. Peter.

“It’s the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living
to the age of 123 and still looking so young,” says St. Peter.

The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, “123 years old? I don’t know
what you mean. I’m only 40.”

St. Peter replies, “But that can’t be right – we’ve seen your time sheets!”

Girlfriend

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0
(marketing name: Fiancee1.0).

Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it’s a memory hogger, has taken
all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although
he didn’t ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and
BrotherInLaw.

Some features I’d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0.
– A “Don’t remind me again” button
– Minimize button
– Shutdown feature – An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be
completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don’t lose cache and other objects)

I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they
tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall
Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn’t have
an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my
system directory.

Another thing that sucks — in all versions of Girlfriend that I’ve used is
that it is totally “object orientated” and only supports hardware with gold
plated contacts.

Big Bang

Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?
A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but doubt that it
will ever be implemented.

Signs your spouse is having an affair with a compu

1. Lately she sits at the computer naked.
2. After signing off, she always has a cigarette.
3. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.
4. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.
5. She’s gotten amazingly good at typing one handed.
6. She makes sarcastic remakrs about your “software”.
7. Lipstick on the mouse.
8. During sex she screams “A-colon backslash enter insert!”
9. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of panties.
10.The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy’s behind

Light bulb

Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That is what their students are for. (from Philip Clarke in New
Scientist)

I have a big problem

Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit. Boris says to Bill,
“Bill, you know, I have a big problem. I don’t know what to do about it. I have
a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don’t know which one.”

“Not a big deal Boris, I’m stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to
all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it’s
never the same one.”