Category Archives: food

Steak ‘n Eggs

There was this fried egg walking down the street in Havana

minding its own business. It hears some noise behind it,

turns around, and sees a crowd of hungry Cubans in the

distance bearing down on it.

It runs away as fast as its little fried egg legs will

go, when it sees a steak. It yells to the steak, “Run

away! Run away! They’ll get you too!” but the steak just

laughs and says, “Shit, they won’t even recognize me!”

20 Reasons Throwing Up is Better than Dorm Food

After you throw up, you feel better.

You can throw up whenever you want.

When you throw up, you don’t have to wait in line.

Throw-up is always warm.

You don’t have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.

When you’re throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.

You can lose weight throwing up.

You don’t have to pay to throw up.

Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.

When you throw up, you don’t have to come back for seconds.

You don’t have to throw up everyday.

Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.

You can throw up without a photo ID.

Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.

They don’t ration throw-up.

After you throw up, at least you know what you’ve eaten.

Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.

You don’t have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.

A dog will eat throw-up.

After you throw up, at least there’s some taste in your mouth.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s why “they” call it: the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross the road without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken XM, which will not only cross the road but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

Ice cream flavor galore

A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira’s ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavors fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn’t smooth enough.

Vanilla

A lady walks into a store and asks the clerk for a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of chocolate and a gallon of strawberries the clerk says i dont have any chocolate so the lady says ok ill take a quart of each and the clerk tells her again i dont have any chocolate so the lady asks for a pint of each and now the clerk is getting really mad and he tells her to spell the “van” in vanilla so she goes v-a-n so the clerk goes spell the stracw in strawberries so she goes s-t-r-a-w and the clerk goes spell the fuck in chocolate and the lady goes there is no fuckin chocolate and the clrek goes thats what i’ve been trying to tell you!

Black man, sex & chocolate biky’s

This chick goes to a bar and picks up this guy and they get talkin and they end up going back to her place. about an hour later her husband walks in and see’s this guys underwear on the floor. he says “next time i see another guyz pants on the floor im gunna pull out everyone of ur pubic hairs”! the next night she goes to the bar again and says hi to this black dude. she said you wanna come back to my place? and he says only for a chocolate biky. so she gave him the biky and headed home. they got upstairs and she said you wanna get naked? and he said only for a chocolate biky. then she gave him the biky and got naked. then she said to him you wanna root me hard? and he said only for a chocolate biky. so she gave him the biky and they got right into it. about an hour later her husband was coming up the stairs. then she said quick get in the closet and he said only for a choclate biky. so she gave him the biky and he got in. the husband then saw the pants on the floor and said, alright get on the bed and give me the tweezers. then he started pulling them out. he was down to the last black curly son of a bitch and he yelled, “COME OUT YOU BLCK BASTARD” and the black dude in the closet goes only for a chocolate biky!

Fruit Salad

Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an unfamiliar island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut. The chief came up to them and said, “We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and bring me 10 pieces of fruit.” So the men agree and take off. The first guy brings back 10 apples and places them before the chief. “Now, you must stick the apples up your ass and not show a bit of emotion, or else we will kill you.” The guy got one, and on the second, he flinched and was killed. The second guy walks up and shows the chief 10 berries. He is given the same task and makes it up to 8 and then begins to laugh histerically. He is also killed. When the second guy gets to heaven and meets up with the first, the first asks him “You almost had it! Why did you laugh??” The second replies, “I couldnt help it. I got the 8th up there and saw the other guy walking up with pineapples.”

Most dangerous Food!

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
“Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode the stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and few of us realize the long-term harm caused by the pollutants in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”

Pickle juice

There was a building and the first floor had a pickle store. the second was nothing. the third floor was selling saws.one day a person went out on the porch of the second floor. the third floors manager droped a saw down. the saw cut the person’s ass then ass fell into a pickle jar. after a while an old lady bought the pickle jar with the ass inside it.when she went home she ate one. then she ate another one and another and another until the ass. when she ate it she said this one is extra good. she went back to the pickle store she said she will take 20 more jars……especially the ones with the white things inside it…