Category Archives: gender

Bear hunting

There once was a bear hunter who was having no luck in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.

The hunter’s shock was increased when the bear spoke to him, “You are hunting me, I’ll bet”, said the bear. “You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or fuck you up the ass!”

The hunter didn’t want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and the hunter returned to his cabin.

The next day, the hunter decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, the hunter felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer.

The third day, the hunter was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear!

Once more, though, the bear was the better hunter. When the man felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly’s offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, “You’re not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?

Salesmen

The salesmen in my neighborhood are amazing.

I’ll never know how they manage to get through the barbed wire.

Harrassment

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can’t stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, “What’s wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

The woman replies, “He’s a midget!”

Top 10 Reasons Your Child is too old for Breastfeeding…

Top 10 Reasons Your Child is too old for Breastfeeding

10. He can open your blouse by himself.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.
3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to “Dueling Banjos.”
1. Beard abrasions on areola.

The Perfect man

a woman found a magic lamp and she rubbed it and a genie appeared. He said “i will grant you one wish.” The woman had a map with her and said “i want the war to end in this part of the Middle East, and for it to end in peace.” The genie looked at the woman and said that, that wish was nearly impossible. The genie said to think of another wish. “Well then, can you give me the perfect man??” The genie just looked at her and said “Which part of the Middle East?”

Men’s Life Styles Through the Ages

AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox

SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping

DRUG
17 pot
25 pot & alcohol
35 alcohol
48 power
66 scotch, a limousine, the company jet

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 “tongue”
25 “breakfast”
35 “I didn’t bump into her kids.”
48 “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
66 “Got home alive.”

FAVORITE FEMALE PART
17 “All”
25 “Breasts”
35 “Breasts”
48 “Breasts”
66 “Small butt in a thong”

FAVORITE ACT
17 “Anything we can get”
25 “Missionary”
35 “Oral”
48 “Oral”
66 “Oral”

FAVORITE PLACE
17 “Any place”
25 “His bedroom”
35 “Any place her kids aren’t”
48 “Her bedroom”
66 “Anywhere there’s an oxygen tank”

FAVORITE FANTASY
17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking his company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

HOUSE PET
17 roaches
25 stoned-out college roommate
35 Irish setter
48 children from his first marriage
66 ‘Bambi’

WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17

IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 “Split the check before we go back to my place”
35 “Just come over.”
48 “Just come over and cook.”
66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas to see Frank

How to Dump a Man

Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition. Check those that apply…

___Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___Your first name is objectionable. It’s just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

___Your inadvertent admission that you “buy condoms by the truckload” indicates that you m! ay be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

___You’re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

___You’re too tall. I’m developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.

___You still live with your parents.

___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

___Your frequent references to your ex -girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, ______________________

Q….

Q.
Why is food better than men?
A. Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

The Construction Workers

An Irishman, a Mexican-American, and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch, and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican-American opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blond guy opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage, and jumps to his death. The Mexican-American opens his lunch, sees a burrito, and he jumps too. The blonde guy opens his lunch, sees the bologna, and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican-American’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas or even a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turns and stares at the blond’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she says. “He makes his own lunch.”