A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient’s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand.
Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.
The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.
The patient replied in an irritated fashion, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor inquired, “And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?”
“Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”
The doctor asks, “If he’s your friend, don’t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”
“What? And work in the dark!?!”
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What do you say if you’re talking to God, and he sneezes?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What if you’re in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
wats the difference between micheal jackson & casper?
ones pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost
THERE R THREE MEN THAT DIE.GOD SAYS HE WILL GIVE ANOTHER LIFE IF THEY JUMP OF A MOUNATAIN AND SAY SOMETHING THEY WILL BECOME THAT THING.THE FIRST ONE SAYS AIRPLANE AND FLYS AWAY.THE SECOND ONE SAYS BIRD AND FLYS AWAY.THE THIRD ONE THINKS VERY HARD.HE RUNS.HE TRIPS AND SAYS OH CRAP AND TURN IN TO CRAP.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. His eyes are rolled back in his head and he doesn’t seem to be breathing. The other hunter takes out his cell phone and calls for help.
He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm voice, says: “Just take it easy. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is silence on the phone, then a shot is heard and the hunter’s voice comes back on the line. “OK,” he says, “now what?”
I had skylights installed at my place the other day…the people
that live upstairs are really mad!
One day 3 guys are captured by 3 canibals. The canibals told them that they had to go into the woods and bring back 100 ping pong balls and they would not eat the one(s) who comes with all 100 pings pong balls.
The first guy is a balck man, They tell him to go into the woods and bring back the ping pong balls they asked for or they will eat him and goes into the woods and comes back 3 months later with only 40 ping pong balls. So the canibals eat him.
The second guy is a white man, They tell him to go into the woods and bring back the ping pong balls they asked for or they will eat him also, and he goes into the woods and comes back a year later with only 60 ping pong balls. So the canibals eat him too.
The third guy is an Asian man and has very bad hearing. They tell him to go into the woods and bring back the ping pong balls they asked for or they will eat him too. He goes into the woods and comes back 3 years later and has two gigantic balls in the sack that they gave him.
The canibals are looking very cerious as they ask him if he got the ping pong balls.
The man replies” PING PONG BALLS! I THOUGHT YOU SAID KING KONG BALLS!!””
Q:How do u get 5 retards into an ambulance??
A:2 in the front 2 in the back and the other on the top making the siren sound effects.
Let’s put this into sensible units – – like furlongs per fortnight.
SANTA AND BANTA SINGH WERE BITTER ENEMIES.SANTA LIVED ON THE 1ST AND BANTA ON THE 7TH FLOOR OF THE SAME BUILDING.ONE DAY THE LIFT WAS OUT OF ORDER AND BANTA SINGH DECIDED TO PLAY A TRICK ON SANTA SINGH AND CALLED HIM FOR DINNER TO HIS HOUSE AT 7:30PM. SO SANTA HUFFING AND PUFFING MANAGES TO REACH THE 7TH FLOOR .TO HISDISMAY HE FINDS A BIG LOCK ON THE DOOR AND THE MESSAGE” HA HA BEWAQOOF BANADIA !” SANTA IS ANGRY BUT THINKS A LOT AND FINALLY WRITES HIE REPLY BELOW BANTAS MESSAGE—“MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA “.