Category Archives: latinos

Dominican Funeral

An old couple in Santo Domingo was puzzled when the coffin
of their dead relative arrived from the USA. The corpse was
so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that her face was
practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the
coffin, they found a letter pinned to her chest, which
read:

Dearest Papi & Mami:

I am sending you Tia Juana’s remains for the funeral in the
Santo Domingo Cemetery.

Sorry I couldn’t come along as the expenses were too high.
You will find inside the coffin, under Tia’s body, 12 cans
of Bumble Bee Tuna, 12 bottles of Paul Mitchell Shampoo and
12 bottles Paul Mitchell Conditioner, 12 Vaseline Intensive
Care Skin Lotion, 12 Colgate Toothpaste and 12 cans of
Spam. Just divide it among the family.

On Tia’s feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8) for
Joseito. There are four pairs of Reeboks under her head for
Antonio’s sons. Tia is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts –
one is for Roberto and the rest are for his sons.

Tia is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bras (my favorite),
just divide it among the ladies. The 2 dozen Victoria’s
Secret panties that she is wearing should be distributed
among my nieces and cousins. Tia is also wearing eight
Docker pants, please keep one for yourself and the rest are
for the boys.

The Swiss watch you asked for is on Tia Juana’s left wrist
and she is also wearing what you asked for Mami (earrings,
ring and necklace) just please get them before anyone
arrives to view the body. Also, the six pairs of Chanel
stockings that she is wearing must be divided among the
teen-age girls there. I hope the colors are to their
liking.

Your loving daughter,
Josefinita

P.S. Please find Tia a dress for her funeral.

Funny Joke

*When a bunch of white guys run down a hallway, it’s called an
avalanche
*When a bunch of black guys run down a hallway, it’s called a
mudslide.
*When a bunch of mexicans run down a hallway it is called a
jailbreak.

Olympics

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympics team?

Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in America!

three guyz on a building

a russian,a mexican,and an american are on the roof of a
building the russian takes a drink of his vodka and throws it
off, the mexican asks why he did that he said theres too much of
that in our country. the mexican takes a drink of his taquila
and throws it over the building.the american asks why he did
that he said theres too much of that in our country. the
american takes a drink of his budweiser and walks over to the
mexican and throws him of the building.the russian asks why he
did that he said theres too much of them in our contry.

Richest Person

How do you find the population of Mexico City?

Roll a quarter down the street.

How do you find the richest person in Mexico City?

Find out who got the quarter.

Why Didn’t You Eat Him?

Three men are stuck on an island.

The first man, who is white, tries to swim for help. He is eaten
by sharks.

The second man, who is black, tries and is eaten too.

The third man, who is Mexican, swims all the way to land.

One shark asks the other, “Why didn’t you eat him?” The other
shark says, “Mexican food gives me gas.”

A Russian, Mexican, and Texan

A Russian, a Mexican, and Texan are out riding horses.

The Russian pulls out an expensive bottle of Vodka, takes a long
draught, then another and suddenly throws it into the air, pulls
out his gun and shoots the bottle in midair.

The Mexican looks at him and says, “What are you doing? That was
a perfectly good bottle of Vodka!”

The Russian says, “In Russia, there is plenty of Vodka and the
bottles are cheap.”

A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Mexican pulls out
a bottle of Tequila, takes a few sips, throws the Tequila into
the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in midair.

The Texan can’t believe his eyes, “What the hell did you do that
for? That was a perfectly good bottle of Tequila!”

The Mexican says, “In Mexico, we have plenty of Tequila and
bottles are cheap.”

So, awhile later, the Texan pulls out a bottle of Beer. He opens
it, takes a sip, and then chugs the whole bottle. He then puts
the bottle in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, and shoots the
Mexican.

The Russian, shocked, says, “Why the hell did you do that?!”

The Texan replies, “In Texas, we have plenty of Mexicans and the
bottles are worth a nickel.”

You Know You’re Puerto Rican If…

You Know You’re Puerto Rican If …

You’ve ever used your lips to point something out.

You’ve ever been hit with “chancletas”, “la correa”, or the cord
of “la plancha”.

You get really scared whenever someone mentions “El Cuuuuuco!!!”

You’ve gone to Titi’s house and passed through the “bead
curtain” in the living room.

You step into a house that has all those little figurines taking
up every inch of space on the TV and under the TV.

Your mother has a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha or elephant in her
living room.

Almost everyone you know is nicknamed “mira”.

You’ve eaten “esporsoda” with butter.

You have a perpetually drunk neighbor.

You know your mom is sneaking up on you because you can hear the
‘clack-clack’ of her “chancletas”.

Someone in you family is name “Maria”.

You have actually met several people named “Jesus”.

You treat fevers with “alcoholado”.

You know “Don Francisco” from “Sabado Gigante”.

You need a cup of coffee after every meal.

One of your aunts weighs over 300 pounds.

You have a delinquent cousin.

Your uncle owns more gold than the jewelry shop down the street.

You’ve sat in a two-passenger car with over seven people in it,
and there’s a person shouting “Subete que caben mas!”.

You put a big Puerto Rican flag on your car come June.

You’ve sung “Japi Beldei Two Yuuuu” more than you care to
remember.

You know at least four of your last names.

You scrunch up your nose to ask a silent “que ?”.

You’ve ever left grass out for the camels on the night of Jan.
6th., instead of leaving milk and cookies for Santa Claus on
Christmas.

You remember Ricky Martin as the little one from Menudo.

You were raised on Goya products (Si es Goya, tiene que ser
bueno).

You consider the bad luck day to be “Tuesday” (not Friday the
13th).

You ever wished El Chapulin Colorado would come and save you.

You’ve dropped food on the floor, picked it up, and eaten it
after saying “lo que no mata engorda”.

Your sofa or rug is covered in plastic.

You start clapping when your plane hits the runway.

Your cousins have “original” names, like a blend of their
parent’s names (ViMari = Victor + Maria)

Your mother, tia, or hermana’s hair is black cherry, “sun in”
red, or a burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.

You go to a wedding or Quinceanera party, gossip about how bad
the food is, but take a plate to go.

You can dance to merengue, cumbia, or salsa without music.

You think Christina can beat Oprah any day.

You can get to your house blindfolded because the smell of
chuletas is SO strong.

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner
when you live in a one bedroom apartment.

Telenovenas have the status of holy ceremonies.

You think platanos are a whole separate food group.

You have a picture of “Cristo” in your house.

You think your name begins like this: “Ave Maria Purisima,
__________”.

You walk around saying “Chacho”, or “Chacha” or “Ay Bendito”.

Others tell you to stop screaming when you’re really talking.

You know someone who drives a “Cheby”.

You call all sneakers “tenis”.

All breakfast cereals are called “Con Fley”.

All tissue papers are called “Klinex”.

All brands of diapers are called “Pampel”.

A balanced meal consists of rice and beans and some kind of meat.

You know the difference between “Carolina Rice” and everything
else.

You appreciate the difference between “Agua de Florida” and
“Superior 70”.

You have a great uncle that had more than three wives.

You’ve put a penny on your forehead to stop a nosebleed.

Your mother has put a balled up piece of thread on your baby
cousin’s forehead to stop her hiccups.

The thought of eating fried pork intestines filled with blood
and rice reminds you of Christmas.

You have at least 30 cousins. At least!

You know how to drive an “estandar” or “estic chift” car.

You can tell the difference between “Cafe Crema” and “Bustelo”.

And last, but not least:

Your grandmother thinks Vick’s Vapor Rub is the miracle cure for
everything!