Category Archives: lawyers

Justice System

What is the worst thing about our justice system?

You’re leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty!

Submitted by Curtis
EDited by Yisman

Good Lawyers?

What is the difference between a good Lawyer and a great Lawyer?

Answer: A good Lawyer knows the law and a great Lawyer knows the Judge!!!

I understand

Attorney: Now, Officer, besides the flushed face, the weaving motion, the
staggering gait, and the odor of alcohol emitting from his breath, did you
notice anything else unusual about the defendant before you arrested him?
Officer: Yes. His speech was slick and third–or sick and furled–or I mean he
was very incoherent.
Attorney: I understand.

Identification

Court scene: 1st Lawyer: You’re a fool 2nd Lawyer: And you’re a damn fool. Judge : As the learned lawyers have now identified each other, can we now proceed with the case.

Lawyers and PC’s

The number of lawyers and personal computers has increased greatly over the last three decades. Unfortunately, the lawyers haven’t managed to get twice as fast and half as expensive with each passing year.

Frog noise

Two litte boys are talking to each other when the older boy, Little Tommy, gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No.”

Little Tommy goes on, “Please .. please .. make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No, now go play.”

Little Tommy then says to his younger brother, Little Johnny, “Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise.”

So Little Johnny goes to his Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says sternly, “I just told your brother NO and I’m telling you NO.”

Little Johnny says, “Please .. please .. Grandpa make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa curiously asks, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?”

Then, Little Johnny replied, “Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!”

Did you ever stay

Attorney: Did you ever stay all night with Mr. Jones in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever stay all night with Mr. Jones in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever stay all night with Mr. Jones in Miami?
Witness: No.

Fore!!

A golfer shot his tee over a hill and onto the next fairway. As he went to retrieve his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground moaning in pain.

“I’m an attorney and this is going to cost you $5,000!”

“I’m really sorry…..but I did yell ‘FORE” ”

“I’ll take it!” the attorney said.

Virgin

A mature woman was in the pastorial study counseling for her upcoming fourth wedding.

“Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?”

“My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be.”

“Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he’d get to it tomorrow.

The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I’m marrying a lawyer and I’m sure I’m going to get screwed!”

The devil visited a lawyer’s office

The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some
things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your
partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months
of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that
your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell
for eternity.”

The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.