Category Archives: little johnny

Boom!

One day 3 guys are in an airplane, An American, a Spaniard, and an Egyptian. Suddenly the plane gets to heavy while its over Egypt.
So the Egyptian throws a model of the Pyramids overboard. When he gets down he finds the boy crying.

Why are you crying little boy? He asks.
Im crying cause a pyramid fell on my head.

The plane gets back in the air and it is still too heavy. So the Spaniard throws a toy bull off the plane. He gets down and finds a boy crying.

Why are you crying little boy? He asks.
Im crying cause a toy bull fell on my head.

The plane goes back into the air and its still too heavy. The American then throws a pipe bomb out the overboard. He gets down and finds the boy laughing his guts out.

Why the hell are you laughing so hard?
Im laughing cuz when I farted the building behind me went boooooooooom!

Everyone Is Busy

Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please?
Youngster: (whispering) No, he’s busy.

Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother?
Youngster: (in a whisper) She’s busy too.

Sales person: I see, how about your brother or sister? Can I speak to him?
Youngster: (whispering) No. They’re both busy too.

Sales person: (losing patience) Is there anybody else there I could talk to???
Youngster: (in a whisper) Yeah, the police are here…but they are busy too….

Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people doing that keeps them so busy?!!!
Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.

Johnny is Drinking Again

An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, “Give me a double Scotch on the rocks.”

“What do you want to do, get me in trouble?” the barmaid asked.

“Maybe later,” the kid said. “Right now, I just want the Scotch.”

A new car.

One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in. “What are you doing, the kid asked”.

Well, you wanted a brother, so we’re making you one.

The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker’s tailpipe.

“Son…what the hell are you doing!!!”

And the son replied – “Mom said she wanted an new car, so I’m making her one!”

Little Johnny at it again!

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today’s lesson.

“I’ll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let’s begin. A”

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like ‘ass’ or ‘asshole’. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said “apple”.

“Very good”, said the teacher, “now B”.

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said “ball”.

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to “R”. Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn’t think of a bad word that started with “R”. So she picked Johnny.

Johnny stands up and says: “R…Rat…a big, fat, fuckin’ Rat!”

Definitely

A nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence?”

First a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black.”

A second little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.”

“Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.”

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, “Does a fart have lumps?”

The teacher looks horrified and says, “Johnny! Of course not!!!”

“OK…then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Pay now

A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by axelwang