Category Archives: medical

Birth Control

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that
was enough. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that
he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him
to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama),
light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear
and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest
man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can
next to my ear is going to help me.”

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The
Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the
procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from
Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a
cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his
ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home,
lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up
to his ear and began to count.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . “, at which point he paused, placed the
beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Looking

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in a white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves.

This happens a second time.

The third time this happens, she says, “Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?”

The man replies, “Don’t ask me lady. I’m just a painter!”

Thorough Doctor

A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The Doctor took one look at the woman and all his “professionalism” flew out the window!

He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed the Doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I am doing?”

“Yes,” she replied, “You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”

“That is correct,” said the Doctor.

He then began to fondle her breast. “Do you know what I am doing now?” he asked. “Yes,” she said, “You are checking for lumps or breast cancer.”

“Correct,” replied the shady Doctor.

Finally he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

“Yes,” she said, “You are getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”

The massage!

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.

Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell you are doing?!”

“Well,” said the guy, “you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” the guy replied.
“I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?”

Psychiatrists’ Confessions

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of
them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the
other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt
and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have
problems.” The others agreed. Then one said, “Since we are all
professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear
each other out?” The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire for
sex and I frequently seduce my female patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I
find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can
so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and
often get my patients to sell them for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed
to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”

Do You Know what Im doing?

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?”

“Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”

Practicing My Art

In a long line of people, one guy suddenly starts massaging the back of the person in front of him, the person turned and asked, what the hell you are doing?

“Well,” said the guy massaging the back, “you see I’m a chiropractor and I can’t help massaging your back, in fact I can’t help practicing my art”.

“Are you crazy?” the other guy said, “I’m a lawyer, am I fucking the guy in front of me!”

Emergency Room Wonders

* Emergency Rooms will tell you one of the most common injury suffered in falling out of bed for a guy is a broken dick. Although the penis does not have a “bone” it is full of erectile tissue that can be bent too far to the point of snapping. This type of injury requires surgery to correct. Often it can result in massive hemorrhaging.

* The man who accidentally sent a knee into his lovers face in the dark as he climbed up to *** ***k her. Broke her nose, blackened both her eyes and knocked out three teeth, one of which had to be dug out of his kneecap. It had dug down to the bone and stuck there.

* Getting nailed in the nuts is no joke either, a friend of mine got an unintended knee in the groin when he and his girl were changing positions and the impact ruptured a vein. His ball sack filled with blood. It swelled to a diameter of seven inches and turned black on the way to the hospital. The good folks at the Emergency Room had to lance it upon arrival and it burst like a balloon. They then had to cut it open and fix the blood vessel. He was bed ridden for almost two months. (He married the girl and they have been together now for over ten years.)

* The guy who couldn’t wait and jumped into bed at the sight of his naked and beckoning lover. His action sent a wave across the waterbed so big it threw her out of bed. She took out the nightstand and the lamp, the room was plunged into darkness. She was knocked out cold as her head hit the wall. To top it off, when she fell out of bed, she landed on her sleeping cat killing it with her plummeting body.

* The woman who slipped in the shower while she was stroking her lovers erection, her fall was averted but she twisted him so hard that another trip to the emergency room was needed.

* The couple who fell through the glass shower door and needed stitches.

* The girl who got a slipped disk in an unusual sexual position and could not straighten up. (The Emergency Room got a real chuckle over that one.)

* The man who served breakfast in bed to his girl and she was so taken by it that they started to make love again, with the tray still on the bed. The coffee spilled and shorted the electric blanket which set fire to the bed.

* The woman who lost her dentures in the middle of a blowjob on a guy she had just met. When the teeth came loose they cut him so bad he had to have stitches.

Not BAAAAD

A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart
available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants
the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in
for a checkup. The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?” The man replies “Not
BAAAAD!”