Category Archives: military

Southern Party with Navy Officers

A US Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week’s
shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a
little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife
of a wealthy plantation owner:

“Dear Captain,

Thursday will be my daughter, Melinda’s, coming of age party. I
would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried

They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite
southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One
last point: No Mexicans. We don’t like Mexicans.”

Sure enough, at 8:00 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the
door which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four
exquisitely mannered, smiling BLACK officers. Her jaw hit the
floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, “There must
be some mistake!”

“Madam,” said the first officer, “Captain Martinez doesn’t make

Aussie Trouser Snake.

An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.

The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. ” In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”.

The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! “

Leutenant’s Daughter

The little daughter of a lieutenant answered a telephone call
while her parents were out. A man called, identifying himself as
Colonel Hendrick.

She asked if he would please spell the name slowly.

He said, “H as in horse, E as in egg, N as in nose, D as in
doggie, R as in rabbit, I as in Indian, C as in cat, K as in

When her father returned, he found the following message:
“Daddy, call Colonel Horseeggnosedoggierabbitindiancatkite.”

Fishing for Insults

“I suppose,” snarled the leathery sergeant to the private, “that when you’re discharged from the Army, you’ll wait for me to die just so you can spit on my grave.”

“Not me,” observed the private. “When I get out of the Army, I never want to stand in line again.”

Nobody Move

Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody
move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot


A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, “Sir, is that a U-boat?
“No,” he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment.”

The Main Gate

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, ‘Halt, who goes there?’The chauffeur, a corporal, says, ‘General Wheeler.”I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. My orders are that you’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.’The general said, ‘Drive on!’The sentry said, ‘Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.’The general repeated, ‘I’m telling you, son, drive on!’The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, ‘General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?’

Military Intelligence

Actual Air Force Maintenance Complaints

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”

Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”

Problem: “Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.”

Solution: “Auto land not installed on this aircraft.”

Problem #1: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.”

Solution #1: “#2 Propeller seepage normal.”

Problem #2: “#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.”

Problem: “The autopilot doesn’t.”

Signed off: “IT DOES NOW.”

Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”

Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”

Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”

Solution: “Evidence removed.”

Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”

Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”

Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”

Solution: “Live bugs on order.”

Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm


Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”

Problem: “IFF inoperative.”

Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”

Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”

Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”

Problem: “Number three engine missing.”

Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”