Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?A: Gifted.
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?A: A new age song.
Q: How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?A: Steal his batteries.
A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune.
15. Willie “White Shoes After Labor Day” Lumpkin
14. Charlie “Sittin’ in First Class & Cheerful as Hell” Pickett
13. Al “Lightnin'” Gore
12. The Suspiciously Clean-Shaven, Well-Coiffed Artist in the Dark Glasses Who Won’t Admit That He Was Formerly Known As John Tesh And is Now Playing Barrelhouse Boogie-Woogie To Earn A Buck
11. John Lee Crackwhore
10. Timmy “Up With People” Perkyman
9. “Portly Dan” Aykroyd & Bruce “Shinehead” Willis
8. Matt “Sleeping with Cameron Diaz” Dillon
7. Winston P. “Sunshine Man” Walthrop III, King of the Cape Cod Blues
6. Tiny Red Johnson 5. Screamin’ Josh Rabinowitz
4. Mack “Crusty Underthings” Morton
3. Stanley “Stank Ass” Wilson
2. Bawlin’ Wimp
1. Luther “Kill Me, Just Kill Me” Johnson
Q: How is lightning like a violist’s fingers?A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?A: A drummer.
12> Stopped wearing a sideways baseball cap, and started wearing a tin-foil Napoleon hat.
11> Asks the press and to call him “G. Dubya.”
10> Shows up at his next concert wearing a Catholic schoolgirl dress and raps about the cruelty of living under “Da Momma Supe.”
9> “All work ‘n’ no play makez Ice Tray a dull bo-weee.
All work ‘n’ no play makez Ice Tray a dull bo-weee.
All work ‘n’ no play makez Ice Tray a dull bo-weee…”
8> His new video features him prancing around in a Dorothy outfit singing, “Ding, dong, the wi-otch is dead.”
7> Now wants to be known as “The Rapper Formerly Known As Simpering Girly Pee-Boy.”
6> Overheard telling Jennifer Lopez, “Quit shaking that thing in my face, and go put some clothes on already!”
5> Wears his white do-rag after Labor Day.
4> Produces double album of nothin’ but songs about Madeleine Albright’s ass.
3> On election day, announced he’s switching party affiliation to West Coast.
2> “Help the po-lice, ‘cuz it’s nice when they’re around. We need ’em cuz they protect our town.”
1> “The wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round! Woah! Yeah!”
Looking to buyA man walks into a shop. “You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?””You’re a drummer, aren’t you?””Yeah. How’d you know?””This is a travel agency.”
Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one.