Category Archives: other

Man in California

Once there was a man in California. He was standing on a beach when God appeared to him.

God said, “You’ve been a good man all your life and now I want to grant you one wish. Go ahead and wish for whatever you want.”

The man thought for a minute and then replied: “You know, I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii. Could you build me a highway to Hawaii so that I can drive there whenever I want?”

God exclaimed, “That’s impossible! The logistics….the engineering… I can’t do that! Wish for something else.”

So the man told God, “I’ve never been able to understand women. Could you give me the power to understand women?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Rocketman

Agony uncle

If agony aunts were uncles:

Reader: My husband-to-be ,still pines for his old girlfriends. I’m afraid he will not be faithful.

Jim: A man’s capacity to love is boundless, it has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice. expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of has behavior.

Reader: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

Jim: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of his behavior.

Reader: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.

Jim: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing – your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get mum involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of his behavior.

Reader: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.

Jim: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but with only 10 calories a spoonful it is nutritious and helps you to keep tour figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present and cook him a nice meal.

Reader: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.

Jim: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget, you may wish to video yourself while doing this and to sell it at a car boot sale. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice, expensive present and cook a delicious meal.

The three aliens

the were once three aliens who learnt three different words. one learnt-yes,of course the other- because she stole my lollipop and the other-sure sure why not. next day there was a murder of a girl in the city and the police doubted on the aleins. so the police asked the first one did you do the murder he said-yes,of course he asked the second one why- because she stole my lollipop and the last one do you want to go to jail- sure sure why not………..
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ……………………………………

Life after Death

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Certainly not! There’s no proof of it” the clerk replied.

“Well there is now,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

El argentino no se r e

El argentino no se r e a carcajadas… se caga de la risa
El argentino no se emborracha… se pone en pedo
El argentino no te llama por tel fono… te pega un tubazo
El argentino no tiene un departamento… tiene un bulo
El argentino no te saluda… te dice “que haces, boludo?”
El argentino no se cae… se va a la mierda
El argentino no es esp a… es un buch n/bot n
El argentino no se burla… te bardea
El argentino no te convence… te hace la cabeza
El argentino no se lanza… te tira los galgos
El argentino no te besuquea… te da un par de besos
El argentino no bebe… chupa
El argentino no acaricia… franelea
El argentino no molesta… rompe las pelotas
El argentino no se ba a… se pega una ducha
El argentino no se alimenta… come como un hijo de puta
El argentino no se enoja… se calienta
El argentino no te golpea… te caga a palos
El argentino no te ordena… te caga a pedos
El argentino no tiene amantes… tiene amigovias
El argentino no sufre diarreas… se caga encima
El argentino no fracasa… se jode
El argentino no sale corriendo… sale cagando
El argentino no se dispersa… se cuelga
El argentino no toma siesta… se tira a dormir un rato
El argentino no tiene problemas… tiene kilombos
El argentino no va rapido… va a los pedos
El argentino no molesta… es un hincha pelotas
El argentino no est activado… tiene las re pilas
El argentino no te besa… te tranza
El argentino no es listo… es un vivo
El argentino no pide que lo lleven… pide que lo tiren
El argentino no es un tipo alegre… es un copado
El argentino no es bueno… es de primera
El argentino no es un buen amigo… es un amigo de fierro
El argentino no esta aburrido… esta al pedo
El argentino no es un tipo tremendo… es un hijo de puta
El argentino no hace algo mal… le sale para el culo
El argentino no dice la verdad… dice la posta
El argentino no habla claro… te bate la justa
El argentino no tiene “mucho”… tiene un tocaso o una banda
El argentino no se pasa… se re zarpa
El argentino no es cualquier cosa… EL ARGENTINO ES UNA MASA!

Blue berry hill

theres two guys and a gurl at school one guy walks into the class room and the teacher says “were where you?”” the boy says “”on top of blue berry hill.”” the other guy walks in and the teacher says “”were where you?”” he says “”on top of blue berry hill.”” then the gurl walks in. The teacher asks “”who are you?”” she says “” i’m blue berry hill>””

Un tipo llega de noche

Un tipo llega de noche a un hotel y pide una habitaci n. El encargado le informa:

“S lo tengo una cama, en un cuarto compartido, pero nadie la quiere. Lo que pasa es que el otro hu sped ronca muy fuerte”.

“S es s lo eso, no hay problema”, acepta el viajero. Toma la llave, sus maletas y sube a la habitaci n.

A la ma ana siguiente, el hombre baja de lo m s contento y descansado. Intrigado, el encargado le saluda:

“Buenos d as. Durmi bien?”

“Perfectamente, gracias”.

” Y el se or de los ronquidos?”

” l no peg un ojo en toda la noche. Apenas ahora debe estar qued ndose dormido”.

” C mo dice?”

“Ver usted: anoche lo primero que hice al entrar en la habitaci n fue plantarle tremendo besote en la boca. Despu s de eso l se pas toda la noche con los ojos abiertos como platos y el trasero pegado a la pared”.

Estaba Pepito en plena Revoluci n

Estaba Pepito en plena Revoluci n al lado de Carranza y Zapata. En ese tiempo ya no hab a que comer y pues ya era justo ingerir algo.

Entonces, a Carranza se le ocurre una idea:

“Viendo la situaci n y como ya no que comer, pues nos tendremos que comer a los humanos; para empezar, yo como soy Carranza, me toca la panza”.

“Y yo como soy Zapata, me como la pata”.

“Pues yo como soy Pepito… Ya no tengo hambre!”

El abuelo est en el

El abuelo est en el ba o lavando al nietecito.

“Abuelo, crees que yo tengo una buena pichurrilla?”

“Pues ver s, no est nada mal para tu edad”.

” Cu nto puede pesar m s menos, abuelito?”

“Calculo que unos 150 gramos”.

” Y la de pap ? Est bien?”

“Hombre, tu padre es mayor, con m s experiencia, m s formado. Tampoco se puede quejar”.

” Y cu nto pesar la suya?”.

“No sabr a decirte. Alrededor de 300 gramos, m s o menos”.

” Y la tuya, abuelo, pesa mucho?”

“Ni te imaginas. Entre tu abuela y yo no podemos levantarla!”

Star Wars Ode to Y.O.D.A.

Y. O. D. A (To the Village People’s “Y. M. C. A”)

(As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker).

YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
YOUNG MAN, now it’s muddy and brown. I said
YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, ’cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, There’s no need to feel fear. I am
WONDERIN’, tell me why are you here? How you
GROWIN’, from this food on the plate, I say
*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A.
He’s 900 years old!
He’s so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon now, the Force you’ll feel!

YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
SOMETHIN’ brown that smells like a sty, and this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN’, master Yoda not far. I’ll be
HAVIN’ this bright thing that ain’t hot. It is
*MINE* *OR* *I’LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A.
He’s 900 years old!
He’s so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
You must be here to see Y. O. D. A
Don’t just stand in the rain!
You’re all covered with mud!
come and sample my homemade crud!

OLD BEN, Are you listenin’ to me? I can’t
TRAIN HIM, he’s so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he’s so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU’RE* *A* *JERK*

You gotta stay here with Y. O. D. A
You gotta stay here with Y. O. D. A
You should stay here and train!
You don’t have to save Han!
If you do so, you’ll lose your hand!

You gotta stay here with Y. O. D. A.
(repeat and fade).