Category Archives: other

The teacher told us

A teenage girl arriving home from school asks her mother, Is it true what the teacher told us today?”

What s that? the mother replied.

That babies come from the same place that boys put their penises, the daughter said.

Yes it is dear, mother said, glad that the subject had finally come up at school.

But when I have a baby, the girl responded, Won t it knock my teeth out?

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman

3 GUYS DIE

3 Guys die one likes to have mad sex, one likes to eat like
crazy, and the last guy likes to smoke weed. God says that to
teach them a leson about there life he locks them in room with
there favourite things for 100 years each. The guy who likes to
have sex is locked in room with a ton of sexy woman, the fat
eating machine is locked in a room with tons of food, and the
guy who likes to smoke weed is locked in a room with tons of
weed. After 100 years he lets out the guy who like have sex says
“the woman got dry after a while I never ever want to have sex
again”. Then God lets out the guy who eats like a machine when
he let him out he said “I the fatest bastard you’ve ever seen I
never want to eat again”.Then the God lets out the guy the guy
who smokes weed all the time when he came out he was crying he
said “do you have a lighter”.

Una pandilla de violadores se

Una pandilla de violadores se mete a un convento a punta de metralleta.

El jefe de los delincuentes ordena a gritos que se re nan todas las religiosas y vocifera:

“Ahora si, carajo, nos vamos a coger a todas. A todas!”

La superiora sale en defensa de las religiosas diciendo: ” No, eso no Por favor! Nuestras reglas no nos lo permiten!”

“Est bien”; responde el violador, “entonces regresamos la pr xima semana”.

Defamation of character

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?”
The judge said that was true.

“Does this mean I cannot call a pig, ‘Mrs. Johnson’?” the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig ‘Mrs. Johnson’ with no fear of legal action.

The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said…
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!”

Cierto joven siempre so con

Cierto joven siempre so con tener una ‘Harley Davidson’. As que un d a, habiendo ahorrado suficiente fue a un ‘dealer’ y compr su moto.

Luego de escogerla, el vendedor le advierte que si la deja afuera mientras llueve, puede oxidarse, as que le recomienda que siempre tenga un frasco de vaselina a la mano, para untarle a la moto.

Unos meses despu s, el joven se enamora de una chica y ella lo invita a cenar en su casa para conocer a sus padres. Cuando el joven llega en su moto, antes de entrar ella le advierte que en su familia hay una vieja tradici n seg n la cual, al primero que hablara despu s de la cena le tocaba lavar los platos.

Despu s de una deliciosa cena, todos contin an sentados, esperando al primero que rompa el silencio, pues nadie quiere lavar.

Pasan 30 largos minutos y el joven, para acelerar un poco las cosas, toma a la novia y la besa enfrente de todos. Nadie dice ni una palabra!

Entonces decide tomar medidas extremas. Toma a su novia, la pone sobre la mesa y tiene sexo con ella… Nadie dice una palabra!

Ahora el hombre est desesperado, as que toma a la suegra, y tiene sexo con ella, de forma a n m s salvaje que con la novia…

Pero nadie dice ni una palabra!

Ahora,el joven est a punto de reventar y no sabe qu hacer, cuando en la distancia oye unos truenos… Su primer pensamiento es proteger la Harley Davidson. As que saca del bolsillo la vaselina…

Entonces el padre dice:

” Est bien, yo lavo, carajo!”

House Painting

One day, a painter found himself short of help and went to the unemployment office to hire someone for the day.

When he arrived, they didn’t have any painters available, but they did have a gynaecologist there. He reluctantly took him along to help.

A couple of weeks later, the painter returned to the unemployment office needing temporary help again. This time there were two painters there, but instead he asked for the gynaecologist again.

The clerk asked, “Why do you want a gynaecologist when we have two professional painters you can take right now?”

He said, “Two weeks ago when I hired the gynaecologist, we arrived at the house and it was locked with nobody home. But I’ll be damned if that gynaecologist didn’t stick his hand through the mail slot and paint the whole house!!”

Flower Flub-o-rama

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I
also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. The Flower Shop got
the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said,
”RIP”, and sent the card to the funeral home that said, ”I know it’s hot
where you’re going, but you deserve it.”

Two women were knitting away one day. They…

Two women were knitting away one day. They were both pregnant. the first one said, i hope i have a boy. the other one says, why? and she says, because i`m knitting a blue jumper! The second one says, i hope i have a spastic! the other says, why? and she says, cause i just fucked up the arms!!!

Some funny things to do to someone when they’re sl

1) Open their mouth discretley, either put tonic water or sea
salt in their mouth. Then sit down and wtahc they spit in horror.

2)Get a glass of warm water and spill some on their pants. Wkae
them up and make a disgusted face.

3) Put some shaving cream in someone’s hand and tickle their
nose. They’ll smack their face to itch it and get the shaving
cream in their face.

4)Put an ice cube on their stomach or back and leave it their.
Watch them get up and scream!!

5)Roll someone off the bed and hide. Once they get back on th
bed, keep poking at them, hiding (repeat).

6)Roll a person so their facing the ceiling. Either tie them
down with rope or something and then scream loudly, “FIRE! GET
OUT!” and watch them squirm….

7)Start whsipering in someone’s ear disturbing things.. (this
one gets pretty funny…)