A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when
he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under
way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and
soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.
The ensign’s efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with
talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign
glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman
approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he
was even more surprised when he read, “My personal congratulations upon
completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with
amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten
rules — Make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way.”
Yo’ mama’s lips so big, she doesn’t use chapstick — she uses Mop ‘n’ Glo!
Dos chinos que andaban de viaje por NY, ya casi no ten an dinero para entrar a un table dance, as que acordaron que s lo uno de ellos entrar a y si el ambiente estaba bien saldr a a decirle al amigo que entrara. El que entr se estaba divirtiendo tanto, acariciando mujeres, barra libre, etc., que se olvid de su camarada. Despu s de una hora, le mand la siguiente nota con un mesero:
“61, 31, 41, / + 31 + 41, 20, 20, 20”.
Al leer eso, el que estaba afuera puso cara de emoci n y entr corriendo al lugar. El mesero se sorprendi de que tan s lo con n meros hubiera entendido el mensaje y, lleno de curiosidad, fue a preguntarle al oriental por su significado.
“Mu sencillo, se senta uno, tenta uno, calenta uno, entle m s tenta uno, m s calenta uno, vente, vente, vente.”
Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one ticket between the two of them.Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. When the conductor knocks on the door they slip the ticket under the door, the conductor clips it and slides it back under the door and off he goes.On the return journey the Yankees fans decide to pull the same trick and purchase only one ticket for the two of them. They notice that yet again the two Red Sox supporters only have one ticket between them. The Yankees fans realize there is only one bathroom per carriage and quickly take the lead, locking themselves in first, leaving the Red Sox fans with nowhere to go.A minute later the Red Sox fan without a ticket strolls over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.
Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer
from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and
sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he
calls to one of his apostle’s. “Paul… Paul,” He calls out.
Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the
gathering. “Yes Jesus,how may I serve you” he exclaims. Just
then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul’s right arm off with
his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying “No
one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!”
Jesus once again calls his name. “Paul . . .Paul”, he calls.
Paul, determined goes to the front of the gathering again. There
he meets the same gaurd who this time cuts off the left arm, and
both legs and throws him back into the crowd.
Jesus yells out once again , “Paul,…Paul”. Paul , who is now
lying on his back on the ground attempts to roll to the front of
the gathering. The guard seeing this determination and devotion
finally weakens and decides to let Paul speak to Jesus. He
goes over to Paul, picks him up and brings him to the front of
Paul, with tears in his eyes looks up to his savior and speaks,
“Yes Jesus, I am here. What is it I can do for you?”
Jesus looks over the horizon and then to Paul and states, “Oh
nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I could see your house
What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common? They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re dead.
En el aula, la profesora pregunta a sus alumnos:
“Mar a, mu stranos en el mapa donde est Am rica.”
La ni a apunta a un lugar en el mapa.
” Muy bien! Ahora, Pepito, dime quien descubri Am rica?
” Fue Mar a, profesora!”
We did sex education at school, and were shown various films on the subject, one I especially remember was the ‘how to put on a condom’So when the time came, and I was in the position to try out what i learned at school, I took the condom and followed the instructions from the video.All was going well, when she said ‘So, now what do we do with the banana ??’
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God’s name was. ‘Oh that’s easy,’ the man replied, ‘His name is Andy.’ ‘What make you think his name is Andy?’ the angel asked incredulously. ‘Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.’
Manolo llega a la taquilla del cine y en cinco ocasiones compra el mismo boleto. Viendo que es el mismo tipo, el taquillero, entremetido, le cuestiona:
” Bueno, se or, ya es la quinta vez que compra boleto! Qu le pasa?”
” Co o, con un carajo, es que cada vez que entro me lo rompen!