Category Archives: Funny Jokes

Free funny text jokes

Rejection lines

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean…)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance”.)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (I don’t want to do my Dad.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work. (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ‘solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male perspective thing.)

Now the male perspective on the same issue:

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean…)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.)

6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.)

5. I don’t date women where I work. (You’re ugly.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (You’re ugly.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (You’re ugly.)

2. I’m celibate. (You’re ugly.)

1. Let’s be friends. (You’re sinfully ugly.)

Get weighed

edJoe took his blonde blind date to a seaside carnival.

‘What would you like to do first, Kim?’ asked Joe.

‘I want to get weighed,’ she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser, who guessed 70 kg. Kim got on the scale and it read 67 kg and she won a prize. .

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over,
Joe again asked Kim what she wanted to do next.

‘I want to get weighed,’ she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went and because she’d been there before the man guessed Kim’s correct weight and Joe lost his dollar.

Kim and Joe walked around the carnival and again he asked,
‘Where to next?’

Kim responded: ‘I want to get weighed,’ but by this time Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her flatmate, Laura, asked Kim about her blind date, ‘How’d it go?’ she asked.

Kim said, ‘Oh, Waura, it was wousy.’

At the crazy farm!

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient’s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand.

Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.

The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.
The patient replied in an irritated fashion, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

The doctor inquired, “And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?”
“Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”

The doctor asks, “If he’s your friend, don’t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”

“What? And work in the dark!?!”

Sexual Confession

Once, there was this guy, who personally felt that he has committed lots of sinful crime and therefore decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at a church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor. “Father, I am sinful. “

“Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you.”

“Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her.”

“That’s bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake.”

“Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too.”

“That’s not very good of you.”

“Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too.” “Father? ……… Father?” suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him. “Father? Where are you?” He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

“Father, why are you hiding here?”

“Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me.”