Category Archives: poems

Bitches -vs- Pimps

The infamous “Bitch Poem”

Ahhh Women…
Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong
Don’t drive in circles at any cost
So I don’t have to admit when I am lost
Don’t act like I’m in a timed marathon
Every time I go to the john
Let me tell you men
Listen to me boys
Those things in your pants
That you treat as toys
You love them more then we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill
I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you’re two hours late
I don’t watch movies with lots of gore
Don’t need instant replay to remember the score
I won’t lose my hair
I don’t get jock itch
And just cause I’m assertive
Don’t call me a bitch
I don’t wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don’t go to Sears
To look at the tools
I don’t cheat at poker
I follow the rules
I don’t smoke cigars
Don’t pay for drinks at bars
I don’t punch my friends just to say “Hi”
And it’s o.k. for me to cry
I know all you men
Think that you’re “IT”
But compared to a woman
You just ain’t SHIT!

This Poem, “The Pimp,” was written in response to a
forward entitled “Bitch Poem”

Ahhh Men…
Everyday I give thanks to my God
that I’ve got a Dick and a tight ass bod.
I like to play sports, I love to get naked,
Is it our fault that you girls can’t take it?
I own lots of tools and don’t mind putting on weight,
when I get ready for a party, my ass is never late.
I can actually drive a car and even change a tire,
my ability to produce children will never expire.
When a male is born, it is clearly heaven-sent,
that’s probably why a woman has never been president.
I can pee without squatting, I’ve slept in a tent,
women’s fatal flaw is that they are subservient.
First and foremost, my looks don’t govern my life,
When I gain a few pounds, I don’t go under the knife.
I don’t read the nutrition labels, I like to eat
meat,
if any women objects, she can just take a seat.
I don’t own a hairdryer,I brush my hair with my
hands,
I am considered the better gender in the majority of
lands.
I masturbate openly, I secretly desire a mirror on my
ceiling,
I don’t go cry when someone hurts my feelings.
Listen to me girls, I need to tell you something
right quick,
it pertains to lovemaking and my almighty Dick
That thing in your pants that you guard like
treasure,
Men don’t respect you for it, we just see it as
pleasure.
I like it squeezed, jacked, licked and sucked,
I am capable of having sex and saying “we fucked.”
I like to have sex and finish with a roar,
I hope to remain a promiscuous bachelor.
Bitches think that they’re “all that,”
But we don’t care about every ounce of fat.
Just cuz your thighs cause mass amounts of friction,
Doesn’t mean you belong outside of the kitchen!!
Any girl that objects, just respond please,
But on one condition, first get off your knees…
I have a little advice to my fellow men, and I’m
afraid I can’t
lie,
NEVER trust anything that can bleed for four days and
then not
DIE!
Right at home is where women should stay,
Cuz men are the ones that make the pay.
At least our Dick doesn’t sag when we get older,
I’ve seen better looking bitches by the name of
Rover.
At least my body doesn’t bleed that certain week,
Bitch you’re just jealous, don’t sweat the technique.
You constantly get played like childrens games,
Guys just fuck you and forget your names!!!!!!!
Bitches all be hanging from my large nutsack,
Now what the fuck are you going to say after this
counter
attack…

naughty poems

POEM # 1
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass

POEM # 2
Im a cool girl, in a cool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

POEM # 3
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says i love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says ‘to hell with you’
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn’t have happened
If the rubber wouldn’t have torn

POEM # 4
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

POEM # 5
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

POEM # 6
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.

POEM # 7
Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend’s gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one i sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I’d be in.

POEM # 8
Sex is when a guys communication
enters a girls information
to increase the population
for a younger generation
do you get the information…
or do you need a demonstration

POEM # 9
Men are like public toilets
They are either engaged or full of shit!

POEM # 10
If guys had they periods
They would compare the size of their tampons!

POEM # 11
Mental anxiety,
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause…
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with MEN!

POEM # 12
Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When I think of you
Ohh baby I get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
if you kiss me,
dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!

(added) Poem #13
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue…
I’m In Love But Not With You…
When We Broke Up You Thought I Cried
But All It Was…
Was Another Guy,
You Told Your Friends That I Was A Trick,
I Told Mine That You Had A Weak Dick…
I Said I Loved You
And You Thought It Was True,
But Guess What Baby?!
You Got Played Too!!

(added)Poem #14
Guys are like parking spots…
the good ones are always taken…
and the ones that are available,
are either handicapped or too far away!! *Darny*
Send this to…

0 – You will lose the person that your with.
1-5 -someone u like will ask u out
6-10 – u and ur crush will get closer
11 or more – u and your crush will be together 4 a long
time

What ever I say, say so I did

I went in the woods.
So I did.
I shoot a deer.
So I did.
I brought him home.
So I did.
I cut his weenie.
So I did.
I fed it to the dog and the dog didn’t eat it.
So I did.

A Woman From Rowjob

There once was a woman from Rowjob
She sure knew how give a blowjob
If you want a suck
your out of luck
Cause I married that woman from Rowjob.

Twisted Stuff

late one night in the middle of the day, two dead soldiers got
up to fight, back to back they faced each other, pulled out
their swords and shot one another, a deaf policeman heard the
noise and shot the twice dead boys, if you don’t believe me ask
the blind man who saw it all through a knothole in a wooden
brick wall

ladies and gentlemen I stand before you to stand behind you and
tell you something I know nothing about, Thursday which is good
Friday we are having a fathers day celebration for mothers only,
admission is free, pay at the door pull out a chair and sit on
the floor

I Will Love You Always

We’ve had our good times,
we’ve had our bad.
Sometimes you’ve made me happy,
sometimes you made me mad.
I know you’ve got your failing,
you know I got mines.
Neither of us is perfect,
but it does no good to wine.
Sometimes you forget my birthday,
sometimes you’re not so cleaver.
But all of the people in this old world,
you’re the one I want to be with forever.

Lady Named Dott

There once was a lady named Dott,
who lived on pig shit and snot,
if she couldn’t get these,
she would eat the green cheese,
which she scraped from the sides of her twat.