When Clinton was running for office he claimed that he had never used
marijuana. He admitted to having a joint in his mouth, but explained that
he never inhaled.
It seems that he now claims he never had sex with Monica Lewinsky,
Apparantly she didn’t swallow.
Bush at the Wheel
Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of this incident… Back in
his party days, Dubya got behind the wheel after a few too many. He
started the car and stepped on the gas. He was driving for a while, when
suddenly a white ghost face appeared in the window. George saw it and
began screaming. He stepped on the gas harder, but the face floated right
in the window. George floored it – the speedometer read 110mph but the
face did not disappear. A white hands gestured for him to roll down the
window. Not knowing what else to do, he rolled it down slowly. The
wrinkled old face smiled and said, “Do you want help getting out of the
With the Clinton sex scandal topping the news, the Washington Post conducted a survey, asking 1000 women if they would sleep with the president.
An astonishing 73% replied: “Not anymore!”
There is one man that likes to pee out windows.There is another man that likes to chop off peoples weiners peeing out windows.The last man likes pickles.The first man was peeing out the window.The second man chopped off his weiner.The weiner fell in some green paint and splashed to the ground.The last man picked it up and said oh a pickle and……. ate it.
Sung to the Oscar Mayer song:
His baloney has a first name,
It’s “I did not inhale.”
His baloney has a second name:
“I wasn’t getting tail.”
He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!
What was the worst mistake that Bill made with Monica?
He didn’t send her home with Ted Kennedy.
IF THEY HAD NOT FOUND SADDAM HUSSAIN THEY
WERE PLANNING ON SPRAYING IRAQ WITH VIAGRA.
THEY WERE SURE THIS WOULD MAKE THE PRICK STAND UP.
Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.” Janet responded, “Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.” Hillary asks, “Well, how do you deal with the problem?” “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can”, says Janet. That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, “Janet, is that you?”
Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton dodging the draft: “Do I care if he evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does.” [Mr. Kerrey lost a leg in Vietnam]