Category Archives: politics

Clinton Sex Scandal

With the Clinton sex scandal topping the news, the Washington Post conducted a survey, asking 1000 women if they would sleep with the president.

An astonishing 73% replied: “Not anymore!”

Three stupid men

There is one man that likes to pee out windows.There is another man that likes to chop off peoples weiners peeing out windows.The last man likes pickles.The first man was peeing out the window.The second man chopped off his weiner.The weiner fell in some green paint and splashed to the ground.The last man picked it up and said oh a pickle and……. ate it.

Oscar Mayer Song

Sung to the Oscar Mayer song:

His baloney has a first name,
It’s “I did not inhale.”
His baloney has a second name:
“I wasn’t getting tail.”

He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!

Viagra

IF THEY HAD NOT FOUND SADDAM HUSSAIN THEY

WERE PLANNING ON SPRAYING IRAQ WITH VIAGRA.

THEY WERE SURE THIS WOULD MAKE THE PRICK STAND UP.

Plane Crash

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.” Janet responded, “Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.” Hillary asks, “Well, how do you deal with the problem?” “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can”, says Janet. That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, “Janet, is that you?”

Clinton one-liner

Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton dodging the draft: “Do I care if he evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does.” [Mr. Kerrey lost a leg in Vietnam]

Top 16 Lesser Known Presidential Executive Privileges

16. Executive dibs on fries in the bottom of the bag… anywhere, any time, *any* bag

15. Authorized to dispatch towel-wielding Secret Service agents at White House pool parties to apply stinging “rat tails”

14. “You’re Greek? Hey, come on up to my place tonight and we’ll lob a couple of missiles at Istanbul.”

13. 5-Day video rentals from Justice Thomas’s “personal collection”

12. Prerogative to suspend constitutional prohibition on “Cruel and Unusual Punishment” should he feel like appearing in public wearing gym shorts

11. The “President’s Dozen” — 15 doughnuts for the price of 12 at all DC doughnut shops

10. Platinum membership in The Players Club AND front-row seats at any Wrestlemania event

9. In case of pants-too-tight emergencies, there’s Gertie, the little-used corset-cincher left over from the McKinley administration

8. When competing on Jeopardy, not required to answer in the form of a question

7. Goodbye, Extra Value Meal — hello, Super-sized Extra Value Meal with Apple Pie and Milkshake!

6. Somebody piss you off? Make their yard a national park and it’ll be wall-to-wall Winnebagos.

5. Can order lawn mowed by upside-down Marine Corps helicopter

4. One GET OUT OF LAWSUIT FREE card per term

3. Allowed to bring bucket of fried chicken to opera performances at Lincoln Center

2. Commander-in-Chief status + surplus Partiot missiles = 1 bitchin’ 4th of July!

1. Unlimited Murphy’s Oil to maintain Vice President’s natural wood-grain luster