Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly, and says, “I had a terrible timewith
Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.” “No problem,” says the Wizard.”Who’s
Ronald Regan steps forward and says, “W-well, w-w-well, Ineed a
newbrain..” “Done,” says the Wizard. “Who comes next before the
GreatWizard?” Up steps George Bush with a sad look on his face.”I’m told
by the American people that I need a heart.” “I’ve heard that it’s true”
says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”
Then there is a long silence…….Bill Clinton is just standing
there looking around, but hasn’t said a word. This irritates the Wizard,
and he speaks with a loud voice, “What brings you to the Emerald City?” To
which Clinton replied, “Umm, is Dorothy around?”
Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton famous for?A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?
When Clinton was running for office he claimed that he had never used
marijuana. He admitted to having a joint in his mouth, but explained that
he never inhaled.
It seems that he now claims he never had sex with Monica Lewinsky,
Apparantly she didn’t swallow.
Bush at the Wheel
Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of this incident… Back in
his party days, Dubya got behind the wheel after a few too many. He
started the car and stepped on the gas. He was driving for a while, when
suddenly a white ghost face appeared in the window. George saw it and
began screaming. He stepped on the gas harder, but the face floated right
in the window. George floored it – the speedometer read 110mph but the
face did not disappear. A white hands gestured for him to roll down the
window. Not knowing what else to do, he rolled it down slowly. The
wrinkled old face smiled and said, “Do you want help getting out of the
With the Clinton sex scandal topping the news, the Washington Post conducted a survey, asking 1000 women if they would sleep with the president.
An astonishing 73% replied: “Not anymore!”
There is one man that likes to pee out windows.There is another man that likes to chop off peoples weiners peeing out windows.The last man likes pickles.The first man was peeing out the window.The second man chopped off his weiner.The weiner fell in some green paint and splashed to the ground.The last man picked it up and said oh a pickle and……. ate it.
Sung to the Oscar Mayer song:
His baloney has a first name,
It’s “I did not inhale.”
His baloney has a second name:
“I wasn’t getting tail.”
He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!
What was the worst mistake that Bill made with Monica?
He didn’t send her home with Ted Kennedy.
IF THEY HAD NOT FOUND SADDAM HUSSAIN THEY
WERE PLANNING ON SPRAYING IRAQ WITH VIAGRA.
THEY WERE SURE THIS WOULD MAKE THE PRICK STAND UP.
Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.