Three guys were stranded on an Island. one was named justin, one timmy, and one eric. the men came across a genie’s lamp and wished to go off the island. the genie agreed but said you must bring me one piece of fruit by this time tomarrow. they agreeded and came back with fruit. the first man brought a bananna and the genie said if i can shove this up your ass without you making any noise, you can leave. so the genie started and the man laughed half way up. the genie said “why did you laugh?” the man said it tickled. the second guy, timmy, brought back grapes. the genie started and with one grape left timmy busted up laughing and the genie said “why did you laugh?” and timmy said ” beecuase i just saw eric coming around the corner with a watermelon.
A young man walks into a bar in Alaska. After many drinks, he announces to the whole bar that he is proud to be a new Alaskan. One of the old timers at the bar laughs at him and asks him if he has gone through the
“Ritual” yet. The lad asks what the “ritual” entails. The old timer says,”Well, to be an Alaskan, you have to kill a Polar Bear and fuck an Eskimo.” The young man says that he hasn’t done either yet, so he and the old timer continue to drink heavily together and the old timer answers his questions about the “Ritual”. The young man stands up and wobbles out of the bar drunk as can be.
About four hours later, he struggles back into the bar, all scratched and cut up. He summons all of this strength and shouts out “Where is this damn Eskimo I have to kill?”!
There once was a boy named doda .he had no arms no legs .his friends where scared of doda’s mother, so they had to see who picked the smallest straw to ask doda’s mother if he can go fishing. so when the one boy went to ask, the mother said ok. when they got there doda fell over board so they went home . then they saw the mother and she asked where is doda ,they said doda fell over borad doda doda, doda fell over board doda doda day.
Why did the boy cross the road 2 phone 07952423099 fishing freak for advice (true story)
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.
Teach him how to fish and you can sell him a rod.
A guy is getting ready to hunt when his wife asks if she can go
“No way. We would be getting up early and you never know what the weather is like. I just don’t think you could handle it.”
“Please”, his wife begs, “you never do anything with me.”
“Fine”, he sats, “I’ll see you in the morning.”
The next morning the guy wakes his wife. “it’s four in the morning.” she complains.
“That’s what time we go”, he says, “now move it.”
The wife gets out of bed and sees snow all over the ground and refuses to go.
“Fine”, says the husband, “for making me pack double the gear and being a bitch you better suck my dick or let me fuck you in the ass.”
The women abruply gets on her knees. A few seconds later she pulls her head away.
“oh, your dick taste like shit.”
“I know”, says the husband, “the dog didn’t want to go either.”
All my doctor does is send me to see other doctors.
I don’t know if he’s really a doctor or a booking agent.
John comes home from holidays and almost immediately has another confrontation with his neighbour and long time enemy.
Later, inside and unpacking, he finds a bottle he didn’t remember buying. Still it looks good so he gives it polish . . ., and whoosh, out comes a genie.
“Oh holder of the bottle, I grant thee three wishes; but be warned that what you wish for is granted doubly to your greatest enemy.”
“Well I wish my last girlfriend would come back and be in love with me again” asks John for his first wish. Hearing his name being called from the next room tells him she’s back. John looks out his window and sees his neighbour with two women clearly besotted with him.
“For my second wish, I want a big mansion” says John who goes outside and sees his house has grown into a mansion. The neighbour’s house being a mansion twice as big.
At this stage the genie reminds him that his enemy will still get double for the third and final wish.
“Then for my third wish, I want . . . I want you to remove one of my testicles.”
If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will drink beer, tell lies and wear a stupid hat.
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do
you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure do,” replied the bartender.
“Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”