Category Archives: riddles

What is it?

What is greater than god, more evil than the devil, poor people have it,
rich people want it, and if you eat it you will die?

Nothing. Nothing’s greater than god, nothing’s worse than the devil, poor
people have nothing, the rich people want nothing more than he already
has, if you eat nothing you die.

The Murder

The Press swarmed as Gus Refer cut the ribbon announcing the
opening of his brand new restaurant. It had a lot of publicity
because it was the world’s only restaurant it the shape of a
circle.

About four hours later Gus headed for home. He knew the party
would probably go on until morning, but he was tired and wanted
some rest.

Two hours later Gus was awakened by the sound of his phone
ringing. He picked it up and said hello.

“Are you Gus Refer?”

“Yes, why?”

“My name is Ian Magwire. There has been a murder at your
restaurant, come down immediately.” Gus quickly dressed and went
to the restaurant. As he stepped out of the car he noticed that
everyone was there. Ian Magwire had already started questioning
the staff.

“Where were you when the murder occured?” he asked the cook. “I
was in the kitchen, cutting a chicken with the new and
incredibaly sharp knife I have.”

“Where were you when the murder occurred?” he asked a waiter. “I
was picking up shards of glass,” he said.

“Where were you when the murder happened?” he asked the
waitress. “I was waiting on that table in the corner,” she said.

An hour later Ian walked out of the restaurant with the
murderer. Who was it and why?

Answer: It was the waitress. (She said she was waiting on the
table in the corner. Circles don’t have corners. Remember, the
restaurant was round.)

Sexual Quickes

The three words most hated by men during sex: ”Are you done?” The three words women hate to hear when having sex…”Honey, I’m home!”—–Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?A: 45 lbs.Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?A: 45 minutes—–Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?A: Sexual harassmentQ: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?A: $3.99 a minute—–One sperm says to the other, ”How far is it to the ovaries?” The other one says, ”Relax. We just passed the tonsils.”—–Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.—–Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.—–Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?A: The swallow—–Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?A: Humpme Dumpme—–Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?A: Men usually miss them.—–Man: ”I’d really like to get into your pants.”Woman: ”No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.”—–Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.—–HIM: ”Why can’t I tell when you have an orgasm?”HER: ”Because you’re never home when it happens.”—–

Star Trek Lightbulb Riddles

Editor’s Note: If you find these funny, heed the advice of William Shattner, “Get a life!”————Q. How many Borg does it take to change a lightbulb? A. All of them ————-Q. How many Cardassians does it take to change a light blub? A. Three, because there are four lights!————Q: How many Cardassians does it take to change a light bulb?A: 4. One to change the light bulb, and one to shoot him and take the credit, two more for disposing the body out an airlock, and 100 credits each to hire them. ————Ed: (Dang, I got the first Cardassian one… shoot me now…)

Phun With Fonetics

A little game to play while you’re bored at work and reading jokes… Say each of the items out loud and try to figure out what it’s supposed to be.1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (~a person~)2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (~a fictional character~)3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (~a person~)4. MOW BEAD HICK (~a book~)5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (~a person~)6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (~a product~)7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (~a thing~)8. AISLE OH VIEW (~a phrase~)9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (~a old TV show~)10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (~a person~)11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (~a person~)12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (~a place~)13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (~a fictional character~)14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (~a movie~)15. BUCK SPUN HE (~a fictional character~)————————–Answers:1. Jacques Cousteau2. Santa Claus3. Michael Jordan4. Moby Dick5. Thomas Jefferson6. Chiquita Banana7. The Titanic8. I love you9. The Brady Bunch10. Christopher Columbus11. Doctor Seuss12. The Milky Way Galaxy13. Agent 00714. The Sound of Music15. Bugs Bunny