Category Archives: school

S.H.I.T (Special High Intensity Traning)

Special High Intensity Training – S.H.I.T.

MEMORANDUM

TO: All Employees
FROM: Communications Services
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained though our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other office in town.

If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.

All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed.

If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).

If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Some of you already display aptitudes that would easily allow you to enter the Director of Intensity Program (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who do not qualify for this position but are still interested will certainly be referred to the Director Under Management Bureau (D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.). Those individuals who do not meet the requirements of The Bureau must first complete Special Training Under Personal Individual Discretion, Special High Intensity Training (S.T.U.P.I.D. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any further questions, please address them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) program.

Thank You.

Boss in General
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

Copy to: Complete Registered Organized Computerized Knowledge Originating Firsthand; Special High Intensity Training division. (CROCK-OF-SHIT)

Why must we learn this?

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information””To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.”It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school,” replied the professor.

Oregon

Why did the Oregon State psychology major climb up the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.75. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foiliage.

Sweet Revenge

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket — If he could just get to the airport then could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!”

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain His financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big time.

Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked?

“Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?”

“What?! Get the hell out of my cab.”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?”

The cabbie replied, “Fifteen bucks.”

The businessman said “ok” and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver in line.

Late For Work

Late For Work

The secretary came in late for work for the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?”

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,
“My lawyer.”

Teaching Math in…

Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M”
of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each
element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots
representing the elements of the set “M”. The set
“C”, the cost of production contains 20 fewer points
than set “M”. Represent the set “C” as a subset of set
“M” and answer the following question: What is the
cardinality of the set “P” of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger
makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a
living? Topic for class participation after answering
the question? How did the forest birds and squirrels
feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no
wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 1996:
By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves
its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital
gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his
stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no
longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

Teaching Math in 1997:
A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on
benefits and when demand for their product is down the
logging work force can easily be cut back. The average
logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3
weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and
medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50
an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?

Teaching Math in 1998:
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to
its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the
corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid
half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the
rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its
remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the
spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable
trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the
Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the
company from all federal regulation. What is the
return on investment of the lobbying costs?