Category Archives: school

Oregon

Why did the Oregon State psychology major climb up the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.75. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foiliage.

Sweet Revenge

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket — If he could just get to the airport then could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!”

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain His financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big time.

Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked?

“Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?”

“What?! Get the hell out of my cab.”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?”

The cabbie replied, “Fifteen bucks.”

The businessman said “ok” and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver in line.

Late For Work

Late For Work

The secretary came in late for work for the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?”

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,
“My lawyer.”

Teaching Math in…

Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M”
of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each
element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots
representing the elements of the set “M”. The set
“C”, the cost of production contains 20 fewer points
than set “M”. Represent the set “C” as a subset of set
“M” and answer the following question: What is the
cardinality of the set “P” of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger
makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a
living? Topic for class participation after answering
the question? How did the forest birds and squirrels
feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no
wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 1996:
By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves
its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital
gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his
stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no
longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

Teaching Math in 1997:
A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on
benefits and when demand for their product is down the
logging work force can easily be cut back. The average
logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3
weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and
medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50
an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?

Teaching Math in 1998:
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to
its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the
corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid
half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the
rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its
remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the
spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable
trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the
Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the
company from all federal regulation. What is the
return on investment of the lobbying costs?

More Student Bloopers

Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent.

At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. The Ides of March murdered Caesar because they thought he was going to be made king. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.

The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph gave refuse to the Israelites. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

In one of Shakespear’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy.

Magna Carta provided that no free men should be hanged twice for the same offense.

The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.

The Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Russian school

One day an officer is visiting a Russian school. He comes up to little Lovya.
“Who is your mother, little boy?”
“Mother Russia.”
“And who is your father?”
“Comrade Stalin.”
“And what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“An orphan.”