Category Archives: sci-fi / fantasy

Aliens

Two aliens came down to earth to do some research on humans and
to test out their new super weapon too. They land in a desert
and start walking down a dirt road.
They come up to a telephone pole, “Speak earthling or I will
shoot you,” says the alien. Now of course the phone pole
didn’t utter a word, so the alien shot it. Little peices of
wood flew everywhere. They then went on.
The aliens then came up to a mailbox. “Speak earthling or I’ll
shoot you,” says the alien again. Well the mailbox didn’t say a
word, so it got blasted to itty bitty pieces of metal. The
journey continued. This time the aliens came up to a gas pump.
“Speak earthling or I’ll shoot you,” said the alien. Now of
course the gas pump didn’t say a word, so the alien raised his
gun to fire. “Wait!” yelled his little alien buddy, “give this
one another chance.”
The alien decides that this is fair and tells the gas pump
again,” Speak earthling or I’ll shoot you.” And again the pump
says nothing.
So the alien shoots it, it erupts into a huge ball of flames and
hurles the aliens back to their spaceship.
Dazed, the alien asks his friend ,” How did you know not to
shoot that one?”
“Well,” he answers, ” I figure any earthling who can wrap his
dick around his body twice and then stick it in his ear must be
a bad son of a bitch!”

Three Men and a River

Once there were three blond who were all trying to figure out
how to cross a river. They tried walking across, but it was much
too deep. Stumped, they sat down and began to cry.

Soon, a kind fairy came along. When she saw their tears, she
offered to give them each a wish if they would stop weeping.

The first man wished, “I wish I was smart enough to figure out
how to cross this river.”

-POOF!-

The fairy turned him into a man with light-brown hair. He swam
across the river.

The second man wished, “I wish I was even smarter than that.”

-POOF!-

The fairy turned him into a man with dark-brown hair. He built a
rowboat and rowed across.

The third man wished, “I want to be smarter then any man alive!”

-POOF!-

The fairy turned him into a woman and he walked across the
bridge.

10 Times More to Husband

A lady has an ugly divorce with her husband. One day she finds a
lamp. She rubs it and a genie appears.

The genie told her, “I will make 3 of your wishes come true…
BUT, the wish you ask for will be done 10 times more to your
husband.”

The lady though for a second and says, “Ok, I want to be the
richest lady ever. I want to be the prettiest lady ever. And I
want a little-bitsy heart attack….”

Alien Love

A man and his female friend woke up one morning to find an alien
spacecraft in their back yard. Being curious, the man and woman
went to welcome the visitors.

When the reached the spacecraft, a door slowly opened and
standing there were two aliens (a male and a female) who looked
just like humans except for minor differences. They found that
the aliens spoke perfect English so they invited them to come
inside for a drink.

After long discussions about the universe, the humans and the
aliens thought it would be interesting to have sex with one
another. So the female alien and the man went back to the ship,
while the male alien and the woman stayed in the house.

When the two in the house began to undress, the woman noticed,
to her disappointment, that the visitor had a very small penis.
Realising that the woman was distressed, the alien said “Don’t
worry, I’m not ready yet,” and pushing his nose, his penis grew
ten inches long. The woman was still not happy as the
circumference was no bigger then that of a pencil. But again the
alien told her not to worry and pulling his ears his penis grew
thicker. After, the alien and woman made amazing love that they
thouroughly enjoyed.

When the aliens had left the man and woman got to talking-
“How was it?” asked the man.
“Great!” said the woman, “How about you?”
“It was wierd,” replied the man, “she kept on pushing my nose
and pulling my ears the entire time.”

Take me to your leader

A purple alien and a green alien landed on Earth and the first
thing they came to was a gas pump. The purple alien walked up to
it and said, “Take me to your leader”. The green alien said,
“He’s not gonna listen to you, he’s a mean motherfucker.” The
purple alien said, “Yes he will, take me to their leader.” The
green alien said, “I told you he won’t listen, he’s a mean
motherfucker.” The purple alien tried one more time, “TAKE ME TO
YOUR LEADER!” When the gas pump didn’t listen the purple alien
asked the green alien, “How did you know he wouldn’t listen?”
The green alien said “Anyone who can take it out, wrap it around
their neck and stick it in their ear has got to be a mean
motherfucker.”

Thank you, God…..

A man is on safari in the jungle by himself unarmed.(yes, he is
a blonde)A lion suddenly jumps in front of him and roars. The
man immiediately gets on his knees and begins to pray.
“Please,God, dont let this lion eat me.” To his amazement he
sees the lion immidiately get to its knees and starts praying.
“Thank god,” the man says, and leans closer to hear what the
lion is saying. “Thank you God, for this food you have put
before me….”

Harry, Dick, and Larry

There were these three guys named Harry Dick and Larry. They
discovered a cave and went inside. To their surprise there was a
genie. The genie said you each can have one wish.

Harry wished to be a butterfly and he flew off into the flowers.

Dick wished to be a dinosaur. So he walked off into the dinosaur
time.

Larry wasn’t paying any attention and wanted to know where his
friends went so he called out, “Harry? Dick?” Larry turned into
a hairy dick.

A Typical Scene in RhyDin

Her: A wee bonnie lass enters the inn, hips swaying seductively in a clear
cry to be adored for the goddess she is, firm young body jiggling in all
the right places, the wafted scent of a undenyable pheromone filling the
air with intoxicating lusts.

Him: The dashing and handsome bard looks at the door falling madly in love
with the most beautiful woman he has seen in the last five minutes.

Her: She casts her mood ring eyes about, at the moment displaying a
pulsating, intense violet.

Him: He stands and bounds across the room, muscles rippling beneath the
rich doublet laying open to showcase a partial view of rock hard pecks
chiseled in aesthetically pleasing tanned skin.

Her: She shakes out her sunset red hair in an enthralling vision of hair
doing hair things, totally unaware that her peasant blouse has fallen to
her elbow laying one luscious curve of a genetically perfect breast in
partial view.

Him: The bard stands before the mystery woman who will bear his children
in two days gaping at the bared flesh like he has never seen one before in
all his life, his pants suddenly three sizes too small.

Her: She looks at him expectantly, sure he will spew an ode to her obvious
beauty and chaste virtues as is only fitting in such a situation.

Him: Thee art the most beautiful femme ah hath ever looked upon.

Her: M’lor’, y’do a wee lass ‘ho ‘as ne’errrrrrrrrr known ‘ha touch o’ a
man’ grrrrrrea’ ‘onor.

Him: He stares at her blankly hoping what she said was good and included
an invitation to bed her in the next five minutes because he has to go to
sleep in thirty minutes

Her: She bats her eyes at him artfully, hoping he notes the fact that they
have changed colors to a brilliant and naughty emerald.

Him: Mayest un homme buyeth thou un boisson?

Her: Aye, y’ken.

Him: Smiling his manly winning smile, he strides over to the bar in two
mighty steps to fetch a pair of glasses with bloodwyne just coincidentally
waiting at the bar for him.

Her: She poses while he is away not wanting anyone in the room to forget
that her blouse is falling off quite unbeknownst to her.

Him: He returns and hands her a glass.

Her: She takes it making sure to touch his hand while at the same time
pretending it was him doing the touching.

Him: Cherie, thee art most winsome. Je t’aime toujour.

Her: Th’ cannae b’trrrrue m’lor’. I be a wee virrrrrrgin ‘ho coul’ n’r
‘ope t’be loved b’ ‘he likes o’ y’.

Him: He blinks at her deciding she just gave him deflowering rights.

Her: Her luminescent eyes fill with tears while turning blue and she
begins to cry hoping it will make everyone in the room pay attention to
her and entice him to take her in a passionate embrace

Him: Unable to handle the idea of his fiance suddenly reduced to tears, he
takes her up into his all powerful arms, checking the room quickly for his
three other betrothed.

Her: She can feel her bountiful chest crushed to the bare part of his,
body still trembling with the tears

Him: Sips his wyne

Her: Sips her wyne

Him: Ma coeur, thee art most beauteous. Tis a sin foreth such perfection
to cry so.

Her: She lifts her tear stained face that suffered from no puffiness nor
snot slime, coffee brown eyes filled with raw sensuality, lips parted
invitingly.

Him: He presses his heated lips to hers to kiss her like she has never
been kissed before, half because now he can take her to a PR and half
because he is afraid she will open her mouth and say something else he
won’t get.

Her: Sips wyne

Him: Sips wyne

Her: She presses into his kiss, tongue tangling with his in a mystic,
erotic dance

Him: He holds her tightly in his arms even still, checking out a really
hot elf who just walked in

Her: Finally, she breaks the kiss, blushing terribly because she never
does anything like this

Him: Bien sur, willest thee come to mah Castle to continue?

Her: ‘ow darrrre y’tr’t m’like som common slut ‘ho onl’ wan’s t’ ‘ump like
a couple o’ rrrrrrrrrra’i’s!

Him: He looks at her blandly, wondering if she caughted him staring at the
elvish babe but trying to find a way to salvage the situation so he can
still score

Her: She slaps him resoundedly on the face

Him: So, thee dost liketh it rough, non?

Her: (You are SUCH a Newbie!!!! Shots him with Ignore Ray)

Him: (What a Snert Slaps an ignore on her sagging middle aged butt)