Category Archives: sex

Farm Couple

Once there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.He said, “If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows.”The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, “If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens.”His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, “If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother.”

Kiss it and make it better

Little Johnny had hurt his finger while working on his model airplane. He ran to his mother, who kissed the wound and made it better.On the way to the store a little later, Johnny fell off his bike and scraped his knee. He ran to his mother, who kissed it and made it better.Returning from the store, Johnny ran into the town bully, who kicked him in a very private part of his anatomy. Johnny rushed home.His mother said, “Son, you’re getting more like your father every day!”

Feelin horny

2 4 6 8 feelin horny cnt wait,3 5 7 9 want ur body next 2 mine,a b c d cum and lay on top of me,u v w x cal me when ya wanna have sex!!!

messy divorce

A man had recently gone through a messy divorce to his wife of 10 years. Part of the settlement was that for every dollar he made, she would get 2/3 of it. If he made $300, she would get $200 and he would get $100. So, she would always get twice as much as he did.One day on a jog, he found a corked bottle lying on the ground, and of course, when he rubbed on it to try to clean it off, a genie came out.’You know the drill,’ said the genie. ‘You get three wishes, but be aware that for everything you wish for, you ex-wife gets twice as much. That was in your settlement and I am obligated to stick to that.”Yea, OK,’ said the man. ‘For my first wish, I want a million dollars.”Done,’ said the genie. ‘But now your wife has 2 million.”I know, I know…’ said the man. ‘Now I wish for a mansion and a matching sports car in the garage.”Done,’ said the genie. ‘But now your wife has a mansion twice your size and two matching sports cars in the garage.”I know, I know…’ said the man. ‘Now, for my last wish, I want you to beat me half to death.’

Yum…. cupcakes!

One day 7 year old David and his parents decided to go to the park with Grandma Jane. They were having a great time running and playing together. Then David saw a couple making out very very passionatly, so David asked “Mom, Dad, what are they doing?” While David asked the question Mom and Dad were getting alittle frisky themselves and said “Oh hunny they are getting ready to make cupcakes.”

“Oh okay.” said David After he asked the question he ran off and played. “Grandma Jane? Could you watch David for us? We wanna…. go make cupcakes.” said Mom giggling.

“Sure, said Grandma Jane, “have fun”
“Oh we will.” said Dad as they walked to the car. Grandma Jane sat down and fell asleep right away.(Shes known for that) David saw his mommy and daddy leaving and ran to the car with no one noticing him.

About 2 hours after Mom and Dad made their “cupcakes” they heard a noise in the living room, they went in the room to see what it was and it was David. “David? What are you doing here?!” said Mom
“Nothin… just watching you guys making cupcakes.” said David
“(gasp) You did?” asked Dad
“Yeah and I licked the frosting off the couch.” said David with a big smile.