Category Archives: sports

10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a
lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I’ve got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

Question answer

Where do religious school children practice sports?In the prayground! How did the basketball court get wet?The players dribbled all over it! Why did the chicken get sent off?For persistent fowl play!

The Top 16 Excuses Given by Nike to Justify Third World Exploitation

16> It’s not slave labor. It’s… it’s… T’ai Chi class!

15> You think we’re ripping THEM off?? YOU paid $200 for that molded rubber you’re wearing.

14> 14 cents an hour buys *twice* as much in Southeast Asia than it does in the U.S.

13> We’d pay ’em more if they had a decent fadeaway jumper.

12> Relax! We only require 20 hours a week from the terminally ill or malnourished.

11> A nation of 5-year olds who not only can tie a shoe, but can MAKE a shoe? That’s not exploitation, pal, that’s progress!

10> If we paid our workers a living wage, Michael couldn’t support his golf gambling habit.

9> Hey, do you know how many bathroom breaks a 9-year old takes?? *We’re* the ones being exploited!

8> Too busy counting our money to notice.

7> CEO Phil Knight still owes Bill Gates a few billion from last year’s poker game.

6> Interior decor of company jet was *embarrassingly* pass .

5> Hey, Reebok gets *their* shoe leather from baby seals!

4> Complaints about LOW PAY? We thought it was Lo Pei, the supervisor!

3> Average hourly wage for young workers much higher if you include Tiger Woods.

2> Our CEO keeps downsizing his conscience.

1> Just Screw ‘Em!

Slow Golfers/The Pastor, Doctor and Engineer

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.” [dramatic pause] “Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

Question answer

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?So that they can pack the defence! Where do old bowling balls end up?In the gutter! Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?Player: I finished it in three days! What part of a football pitch smells nicest?The scenter spot!

Why Sports Scholarship is an Oxymoron

“You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle” — Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.” — Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

“You guys line up alphabetically by height” — Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

“I play football. I’m not trying to be a professor. The tests don’t seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven’t been through in school.” — Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

“I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to andfrom class” — George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.” — Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

“I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.” — Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

“The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That’s why nobody goes to see the game anymore.” — Yogi Berra

“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” — Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” — Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

Cowley car plant

The following instruction recently appeared on the notice board of a large car
factory in Cowley:

The Incredible Golf Ball

Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.

The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend – “Hey, why don’t you try this ball.” He draws a green golf ball out of his bag.
“Use this one – You can’t lose it!”

His friend replies, “What do you mean you can’t lose it?!!”
The first man replies, “I’m serious, you can’t lose it.

If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.”

Obviously, his friend doesn’t believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, “Wow! That’s incredible! Where did you get that ball?”

The man replies, “I found it.”

(Think about it… it’ll come to you 🙂