There was this guy who was on airplane, he had to go to the bathroom really bad.. Well everytime he would go to the bathroom someone was always in it.So he finally asked the flight attendant if he could use the ladies room.
She said, well sir I’m not sure if that would be a good idea,you see there are buttons in there.
He says ,Oh please please I really have to go and I promise I won’t push any buttons.
So she tells him go ahead,just don’t push any buttons. So he goes in there he’s sitting on the toilet doing his duty. Well he looks over and sees three buttons. One is yellow,one is red and one is green. He pushes the yellow button and out comes water and sprays his behind. He thinks “wow that felt good, I’ll press the red button”.So he pushes the red button and out comes a powder puff and dries him off and powders him.So then he pushes the green button.. He passes out and wakes up in hospital.
He looks up at the flight attendant and she says “you pushed the green button didn’t you?”
He knods.. He said “What happened?” She said “The green button was an Automatic Tampon Remover,your dick is laying under your pillow”
A husband and wife are sitting at the kitchen table making their Chrstmas List. They finish and the husband goes to work and the wife decides to go shopping.The next day the grocery boy comes to the door and the wife says “Here is you Christmas present, Merry Christmas.” Then the milk man comes to the door and she says the same thing.Then the mail man comes to the door and she says “Why don’t you come in for a little while”So the milk man goes in and the wife goes upstairs. The milk man follows her to the bedroom. She strips off her clothes and lays spread eagle on the bed and says “Well don’t you want to fuck me?” The mail man looks around, takes off his clothes and they start fucking.Well, the husband comes into the room and asks “What the hell are you doing?” and the wife replies “What you told me to do, Fuck the Mail Man.”
An archeologist returned to Egypt a few years after WWII ended having been
earlier chased out from the digs by the Nazi Invasion.
Through the local grapevine he contacted his old trusted pre-war guide Ahmed
and arranged to meet him at the crossroads to the digs they used to meet at
before the war.
at the specified date the archeologist waited at the crossroads and viewed his
guide approaching him and as they met and warmly embraced, he exclaimed “Ah –
Ahmed it is wonderful to see you again after all these years. But tell me this,
before the war when we met you would be riding the donkey and your wife would
walk in the dust 20 yards behind you. But today we meet an your wife now rides
the donkey and you walk behind her 20 yards in the dust. What is happening, do
we now have Women s Liberation in Egypt.”
Ahmed sadly shook his head no and replied – “Ah Effendi – we have women s lib
here in Egypt – yes – but this is much, much worse LAND MINES.”
THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female: Any part under a car’s hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. Male: Playing ball without a cup.COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.” Male: The organ of mooning and farting.COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.TASTE (tayst) v. Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good. Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.
A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to
on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed
a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he
immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They made love like
Back in the car, the guy says, “Darlin’, you sure never moved like that
forty years ago–or any time since that I can remember!”
The woman says, “Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn’t electrified!”
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.She approached one of the women for an explanation. “This is marvelous,” said the journalist. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?”Replied the Kuwaiti woman: “Land mines”
How do you know when a sorority girl is a nymphomaniac?
She’ll make love the same day she had her hair done.
10. Picky, picky, picky.
9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
8. Beauty is only shell deep.
7. When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.
6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
4. Small talk is important.
3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
2. They make you take the garbage out.
1. Miss a period and they go wild.
Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting less responsibility,
decided a career change was in order. After some serious thought, he decided
that being an engine mechanic, something he had once enjoyed prior to college,
would be a good choice. However, it had been a long time since he had tinkered
with an engine and he knew that in order to compete with the younger workforce,
he would have to go to school.
He enrolled in a technical institute that specialized in teaching auto
mechanics. He aced the course, but the final exam required each student to
completely strip and reassemble an engine. It was with some trepidation that he
took the test. At completion, he turned the engine over to his instructors for
evaluation and awaited his final grade.
When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received.
Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade