English Pub Joke

Bar Joke

Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Dave: – I reckon he’s an accountant.

Stuart: – No way – he’s a stockbroker.

Dave: – He ain’t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn’t come in

The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
Dave: – ‘Scuse me…. no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: – No offence taken! I’m a Logical Scientist by profession

Dave: – Oh! What’s that then?

Suit: – I’ll try to explain by example … Do you have a goldfish at home?

Dave: – Er… mmm… well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: – Well, it’s logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

>> Dave: – It’s in a pond!

>> Suit: – Well it’s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Dave: – As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

>> Suit: – Well then it’s logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Dave: – As it happens I’ve got a five bedroom house ….. built it myself!

Suit: – Well given that you’ve built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Dave: – Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: – Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Dave: – Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: – Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate (wank) very often?

Dave: – Do what? Not me mate!

Suit: – Well there you are! That’s logical science at work!

Dave: – How’s that then?

Suit: – Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I’ve told you about your sex life!

Dave: – I see! That’s pretty impressive … thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.

Stuart: – I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Dave: – Yep! He’s a logical scientist!

Stuart: – What’s that then?

Dave: – I’ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Stuart: – Nope

Dave: – Well then, you’re a wanker.