The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish [Euro for
In the first year, ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly,
sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard ‘c’ will be
replased with ‘k’. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome ‘ph’ will be replased by ‘f’. This will make words like
‘fotograf’ 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which ahve always
ben a deternent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent ‘e’ in the languaj is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the forth uer, peopl wil be receptiv to steps such as replasing the
‘th’ by ‘z’ and the ‘w’ by ‘v’. During the fifz uer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan
be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’, and similar changes nud of kors be
splid to ozeer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli senisbl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor tubls or difikultis and avrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.