Jock Jems

Basketball player Chris Washburn, on his ability to drive to the
basket, “Yeah, I can go to my right and my left. That’s because
I’m amphibious.

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
like Norman Einstein.” Football commentator and former player
Joe Theismann (1996)

“You guys line up alphabetically by height.” “You guys pair up
in groups of three, then line up in a circle.” Bill Peterson, a
Florida State football coach.

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
promoter Don King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he
keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when
I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking

Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during
his visit to Greece, “I can’t really remember the names of the
clubs that we went to.”

Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships, “I’ve won at
every level, except college and pro.”

Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime
of heavyweight Andrew Golota, “He’s a guy who gets up at six
o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”

1992 – Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his
team’s 7-27 record, “We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the
road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to

1982 – Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
practice, “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m
going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

1991 – Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator
fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20
books, “But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored
yet.” 1991 – Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday
nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, “It’s basically the
same, just darker.”

1991 – Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player, “I
told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”

1991 – Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins, “He treats us like men. He lets us wear

1987 – Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
what he told a player who received four Fs and one D, “Son,
looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”