Letter

Dear Mom and Dad:

It has now been three months since I left for college.I have been remiss in
writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written
before. I will bring you up to date now, but, before you read on,please sit
down.
YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught
fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick
headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an
attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the
fire department and the ambulance.
He also visited me at the hospital and, since I had nowhere to live because of
the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment
with him. It’s really a basement room, but it’s kind of cute. He is a very fine
boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married.
We haven’t set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy
begins to show.
Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to
being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love,
devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor
infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests, and I
carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin
injections I am having daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with
open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is ambitious.
Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your
often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that
his skin colour is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I
do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an
important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no
dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in
the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and
there is no man (of any colour) in my life. However, I am getting a ‘D’ in
History and an ‘F’ in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper
perspective.

Yours,
Your Loving Daughter.