Letter from an Irish Mother

Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I’m still alive. I’m
writing this letter slowly because I know that you can’t read
fast. You won’t know the house when you get home because we’ve
moved.

About your father. He has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under
him; he cuts the grass at the cemetery. There was a washing
machine in the new house when we moved in but it hasn’t been
working too good. Last week I put your father’s shirt in, pulled
the chain and haven’t seen it since.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I don’t know if it
is a boy or a girl yet so I can’t tell you if you are an uncle
or an auntie. Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of
whiskey at the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to
save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and
it took 5 days to put out the fire.

I went to the doctor last Thursday and your father came with me.
The doctor put a small glass tube in my mouth and told me not to
talk for 10 minutes. Your father offered to buy it off him.

It rained last twice this week. First for 3 days then for 4. We
got a letter from the undertaker. He said that if the last
payment on your grandfathers plot isn’t paid within 7 days, then
up he comes.

-Your loving mother
PS. I was going to send you 10 dollars but I had already sealed
the envelope.

(This joke was found in: “The Serious Joke Book” by George Coote)

Cool joke hey?