Inspirational Poster Ideas

Sayings you’d like to see on office inspirational posters:

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

If you think we’re a bad firm, you should see our rivals!

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings — they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

A person who smiles in the face of adversity … probably has a scapegoat.

ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE…..

We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!

2 days without a Human Rights Violation!

If at first you don’t succeed — try management.

It’s only unethical if you get caught.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Never quit until you have another job.

Work harder slaves!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

If you can read this, you’re not working!

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile – It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

Pride, commitment, teamwork — words we use to get you to work for free.

Succeed in spite of management.

Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.

There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore.

The three aliens

the were once three aliens who learnt three different words. one learnt-yes,of course the other- because she stole my lollipop and the other-sure sure why not. next day there was a murder of a girl in the city and the police doubted on the aleins. so the police asked the first one did you do the murder he said-yes,of course he asked the second one why- because she stole my lollipop and the last one do you want to go to jail- sure sure why not………..
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ……………………………………

A Flaky Blonde

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really
stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

”It’s supposed to be a tiger!” Sally cried.

”Honey,” said Dan, “Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!

Psychiatrists’ Confessions

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of
them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the
other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt
and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have
problems.” The others agreed. Then one said, “Since we are all
professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear
each other out?” The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire for
sex and I frequently seduce my female patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I
find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can
so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and
often get my patients to sell them for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed
to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”

Dan Quayle Quotes

Some classic mistakes from Dan Quayle:

It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I
mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this
century. I didn’t live in this century.

If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.

Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a
challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we’re
going forward to tomorrow or whether we’re going to go past to
the–to the back!

What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is
being very wasteful. How true that is.

Classic–Add one little bit on the end… Think of “potatoe”,
how’s it spelled? You’re right phonetically, but what else…?
There ya go… all right!

Top ten signs Santa’s marriage is in trouble

10. He’s replaced all the elves with scantily clad Swedish exchange students.

9. Mrs. Claus calls him “that fat freak in the red underwear”.

8. He traded in his sleigh for a van with a waterbed.

7. He’s been spending a little too much time with the life-sized Holiday Barbie.

6. His new live-in personal elf valet, Steve.

5. Mrs. Claus having cybersex relationship with accountant from New Jersey.

4. He knows when she’s been sleeping, he knows when she’s awake, because he’s bugged the bedroom.

3. Lately, she keeps “forgetting” to tie her robe when she brings the elves their morning coffee.

2. Stockings aren’t the only things he’s been nailing in front of the fireplace.

1. Not a creature is stirring in Santa’s pants.

Redneck Family Tree

Many many years agowhen I was twenty-three,I got married to a widowwho was pretty as could be.This widow had a grown-up daughterWho had hair of red.My father fell in love with her,And soon the two were wed.This made my dad my son-in-lawAnd changed my very life.My daughter was my mother,For she was my father’s wife.To complicate the matters more,Although it brought me joy,I soon became the fatherOf a bouncing baby boy.My little baby then becameA brother-in-law to dad.And so became my uncle,Though it made me very sad.For if he was my uncle,Then that also made him brotherTo the widow’s grown-up daughterWho, of course, was my step-mother.Father’s wife then had a son,Who kept them on the run.And he became my grandson,For he was my daughter’s son.My wife is now my mother’s momAnd it makes me very blue.Because, although she is my wife,She is my grandma too.So if my wife is my grandma,Then I am her grandchild.And every time I think of it,It simply drives me wild.For now I have becomeThe strangest case you ever saw.As the husband of my grandma,I am my own grandpa!