Justice System

What is the worst thing about our justice system?

You’re leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty!

Submitted by Curtis
EDited by Yisman

Drink Beer rather than Milk

“College students are savvy. Nobody’s going to put beer on their Cheerios as a result of our campaign.” — Spokesman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, responding to criticism of their campaign urging people to drink beer rather than milk

A True Dentist

Customer: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: Ninety dollars.

Customer: Ninety dollars for just a few minutes work?

Dentist: Well, I can do it slower if you like.

The tourists

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing”

Sex Is A Killer

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. “Doc,” he said, “I feel like killing my wife. You’ve got to help me. Please tell me what I should do.”

The doctor thought for a moment. “Look,” he said, “here are some pills. Take these twice a day and they’ll allow you to fuck your wife six time a day. If you do this for thirty days, you’ll finally screw her to death. And the autopsy will just show that she died of heart failure during sex.”

“Wonderful, doc,” said the grateful patient. “I’ll start with this right away.”

He left with the bottle of pills and a smile on his face.

Nearly a month passed. One day, while on a medical convention, the doctor passed by the patient coming down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, just barely managing to move forward.

“What happened?” asked the doctor. “What happened to your wife?”

“Don’t worry, doc,” the patient reassured him, “two more days and she’ll be dead.”

Smoking doesn’t kill people…

Remember, smoking doesn t kill people. People who are trying to quit smoking kill people.

One poll says 73% of Americans favor raising the cigarette tax. It’s only fair. Since smokers aren’t around as long as the rest of us, they should pay more while they’re here.

I quit smoking once for six days. And then they untied me.

Trying to quit smoking can drive you nuts — especially when you try to light your nicotine gum.

Marlboro has a line of outdoor gear for smokers. They recommend you buy it a size larger so paramedics don t have to cut it off of you.

The Marlboro clothing is very functional. The denim jacket has electric heart paddles sewed right into the lining, and there s a backpack that can hold a portable respirator.

I stopped smoking and extended my life expectancy. My wife is furious.

Se encuentran dos habitantes de

Se encuentran dos habitantes de Tontilandia en la calle y uno ven a caminando con las piernas arqueadas…

” Hola, que tal?”

“Bien, pero ayer fui al medico y me dijo que ten a el colesterol muy alto.”

” Qu tiene que ver el colesterol con caminar de esa forma?”

“Es que me dijo el m dico que los huevos ni tocarlos.”

Vaguely Obscene Nun Jokes

What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle.

What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and
down?
A nun churning butter.

What is black and white and screams “YES! YES! YES!”
A nun winning at BINGO.

What is black and white and pink and hard?
A nun stopping, lifting her habit up to her shins, and
sratching her ankle bone.

What is black and white and gooey and creamy?
A nun eating a bowl of Tapioca pudding.

What is black and white and makes a wet, sucking sound?
A toothless, elderly nun eating a Communion wafer.