Sexual Quickes

The three words most hated by men during sex: ”Are you done?” The three words women hate to hear when having sex…”Honey, I’m home!”—–Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?A: 45 lbs.Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?A: 45 minutes—–Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?A: Sexual harassmentQ: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?A: $3.99 a minute—–One sperm says to the other, ”How far is it to the ovaries?” The other one says, ”Relax. We just passed the tonsils.”—–Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.—–Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.—–Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?A: The swallow—–Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?A: Humpme Dumpme—–Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?A: Men usually miss them.—–Man: ”I’d really like to get into your pants.”Woman: ”No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.”—–Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.—–HIM: ”Why can’t I tell when you have an orgasm?”HER: ”Because you’re never home when it happens.”—–