– You can live without sex but not without glasses.
– Your back goes out more than you do.
– You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
– You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
– You are proud of your lawn mower.
– Your best friend is dating someone half their age … and
isn’t breaking any laws.
– You sing along with the elevator music.
– You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
– You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
– You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
– You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
– You make an appointment to see the dentist.
– You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
– Neighbors borrow your tools.
– People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
– You answer a question with, “Because I said so!”
– You send money to PBS.
– The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your
– You wear black socks with sandals.
– You know what the word “equity” means.
– You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to
– You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s
– You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
– You got cable for the weather channel.
– You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.