Simple Response to Telemarketers

I get so sick of those telephone people calling all the time.
“Yes this is Associates Credit and we want …” Well, here is an
effective way to get them to quit calling.

Caller: Hello this is (company or item being sold) and we would
like to speak to (whoever). Are they available?

Me: Yeah. (Long silence) You wanna talk to em?

Caller: Um, Yes please. Thank you.

Me: Well, I’m not gonna give them the phone. (I was about 13
when I tried this)

Caller: Little girl, let me speak with you mother or …

Me: Or what?

Caller: I just …”

Me: hang on please …

Caller: (mumbling) finally … I hate kids …

Me: (leaves phone unattended for ten minutes, picks up phone and
to my surprise she is still there, disguise my voice) Hello,
this is (whoever), may I help you?

Caller: Yes, I am from –

Me: Hold please

Caller: (sigh)

Me: (no longer disguising my voice but faking crying ten minutes
later) I have no friends … it would be nice to have a friend,
seeing how persistent you are, maybe you would like to be my
friend??

Caller: (exasperated) LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR MOTHER!!

Me: UGH ok!

Caller: Jeez …

Me: (leaves phone unattended for ten more minutes, disguises
voice) Hello I’m back, I was in the bathroom. I have had this
terrible pain in my stomach and it makes me –

Caller: MA’AM!! Hello, I am from (company) and I was –

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Caller: Ma’am?? Ma’am is everything alright???? Ma’am!!

Me: Sorry, I saw what I thought was a bug. It was an old raisin.
Do you like raisins? I like em, they do give me gas sometimes
and –

Caller: Mrs. (whoever) I am from (company) and I was wondering –

Me: Why did you interrupt me? That was rude. I was just going to
tell you that raisins get stuck in my teeth sometimes and my
husband gets dia –

Caller: Ma’am I really am not interested in what happens when
you eat raisins and –

Me: I am really not interested in whatever you want to sell me
… (no longer disguising my voice)

Caller: YOU! Please, I am begging you let me talk to your mother

Me: Oh … She is not here. But, I still have no friends and
…:)

Caller: OGHUGHG!! (hangs up LOUDLY)

The funniest part of the story is my mother was sitting next to
me the whole time holding another phone, listening to the whole
thing …..