The Top 16 Worst-Selling Hardware Store Items (Part II)

16. The Gilbert Gottfried Vibrating Showerhead

15. The Whoopsie Brothers’ “WidowMaker” Nonlocking Stepladder

14. Black and Decker Nipple Sanders

13. Lee Press-On Nails

12. Approximo Knives

11. The Black and Decker Power Router with Home Circumcision Attachment

10. “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Asbestos!”

9. The Limb-Mangler 6500 Wood Chipper (“Bucket O’ Coagulant” and “Man, That’s Gotta Hurt! Tourniquet” sold separately)

8. Bob Villa’s “Lovemaking, Sensitive Man Style” Video

7. Emo Phillips Head Screwdriver

6. Swiss Army Demitasse Spoon

5. Nine Inch Tacks

4. Monkey Wenches

3. “Crackle” buttcrack spackle – “Keeps the weather out!”

2. Tommy Lee Foot-Long Tape Measure

1. The “Make Your Own Fertilizer!” Kit