Thoughts

  • Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
  • How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  • If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes?
  • Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?
  • Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
  • Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to “CURE” it?
  • Why do we wash BATH TOWELS–aren’t we clean when we use them?
  • Why doesn’t GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
  • What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
  • If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
  • When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  • What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
  • Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
  • Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?