‘Twas the night before Christmas in Old Kandihar,
And Osama Bin Laden felt far below par
For he’d been on the run since the day when the Yanks
Had first littered the landscape with the planes and the
That Osama’s buddies, those fierce Taliban kind,
Were supposed to be using to protect his behind.
So he put on his turban and took to his bed,
While visions of cruise missiles danced in his head.
Then up on the roof there arose such a clatter,
He sprang to his feet to see what was the matter,
And what to his wondering eyes did appear
But two squads of marines, in full battle gear.
And Taliban bodies flew left and flew right.
As they yelled ‘Semper Fi!’ and ‘oo-rahed’ in delight
And as two marines burst into the room,
He peed himself, because he knew they spelled doom.
“Death to the Infidel!” Osama cried,
“You’ve got it, buddy,” the grunts both replied
And bullets arrived in torrents and showers,
That left less of him than he’d left of the towers.
“oh, shit,” was his last thought as his spleen it was diced.
At least my soul’s headed straight to paradise,
But the heavenly streets made his soul’s face turn green
‘Cause the whole place was guarded by US Marines!